Add Spice & Variety to Your Sex Life

Have you ever wanted to add some more sassiness into your "vanilla" relationship? Do you want to add a little role play into the bedroom? Perhaps you have been inspired by our Fifty Shades of Grey September and think some BDSM could be fun.

But where do you start? How can you get your partner on board without pressuring them or making them feel uncomfortable? Jean-Luc Gothos is here to give you 3 ways on how to introduce some variety into your long term relationship.

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So do you want to add something to your sexy time tool box but don’t know how to introduce the new idea to your partner? Well I’m here to help you with that introduction. I think the first thing we need to look at is, what is it you want to do and why do you want to explore this part of your sexuality. I think once you can answer those questions for yourself, you’ll be able to better answer your partner's questions.

So you’ve been interested in trying some light bondage and maybe some impact play. How do you go about introducing these new concepts to your partner? Well I’ve always found that information is best. So when I want to introduce a new concept to my partner, I will take the time to really gauge their response to this new activity. I want to add to the intimate time we have together. Is their response one of excitement, is it something more mild, or does your partner reply with a "not in a million years." If it’s the last one, it’s time to really talk about what issues they have with the activity and why is it something they might not want to do.

#1 Don't force, discuss

Now keep in mind you’re not trying to convince them to change their mind, you are simply discussing why they don’t want to explore this new part of your sexuality with you. Did they have a bad experience before, or do they just need more information. It could be that they just truly aren’t attracted to that kind of sexual activity. Also whispering it in their ear as there doing sexy naked things, is never a good idea. Whispering, “I want to fuck you in the ass.” may just kill the mood. It could put your partner into a different headspace altogether. So make sure you bring up anything new you want to do before any sexual activity.

#2 Communicate

The introduction of new sexual concepts and ideas can take a lot of communication between partners. You have to be able to trust your partner when trying new things.

The only way you can do that is if you have not only discussed your sexual activity but also everything else you have going on in your life. It wouldn’t be good to have your partner tied up and suddenly start talking about how they never do the dishes or how they looked at that sexy waitress at the restaurant last week. So communication will be an important part of introducing new concepts and ideas into your sex play.

#3 Knowledge

A lot of people will say no to something simply because they don’t know anything about it. Generally people aren’t real fans of change. So you have to make sure that you have all of the information available to them in order to really talk about the issues involved. This will show your partner that you care about their needs as much as your own. They aren’t going to want to do this new sexy thing if it looks as if they won’t get anything out of it. Sex can’t be selfish, it can’t be all about you, and it has to be a mutual exchange of pleasure. If you aren’t able to provide that then your partner won’t want to do the new sexy thing you want to try out.

I think the real core of introducing new stuff in the bedroom is that you need to be communicating your wants and needs to your partner. If you can’t talk honestly about sex and about your wants and needs, then I think you might want to reconsider why you’re with the person you're with. You will need to ask yourself why do you feel you can’t communicate openly and honestly with your partner.

Jean-Luc Gothos is our resident pansexual geek. He's the founder of Mindchaotica. He is also very active on Twitter, Facebook, G+, and Tumblr. He also writes for Life On The Swingset, Kink~E Magazine, and he reviews sex toys on EdenFantasys and writes for their sex positive online publication Sex Is Social.