Why We Love Freud

We often think about sex. Why? Sex is one of those instinctual urges. This is an idea Sigmund Freud talked about frequently. Shannon Ray is here to talk about why Freudian ideas and Freud himself influences sex today.

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Sex through history

Throughout history, sex has played a major role. Wars have been started due to it; think Helen of Troy. Clothing has been designed to hide it; think Victorian era or to enhance it; think rubber, leather and latex. The type of beer and automobile we purchase are due to hidden sexual messages in advertisements. Even the expression "getting laid" dates back to the customers of a 1900’s Chicago bordello the "Everleigh Club". ("I’m going to get Everleighed tonight.") Some feel that our very existence comes down to simply getting laid, that sex is the primary motivation for our existence.

Freud's sexual theories

Sigmund Freud was one of those people. His belief was that everything we do is in relation to sex. Case in point: Being a pet owner shows the "softer" side of one's persona: a caretaker, a giver. We earn a paycheck to show that we are stable and able to provide. We shower and brush our teeth, and practice good general hygiene to attract others to us.

Even though there are some of us who choose not to mate, we are inherently sexual creatures. In the end, it’s all smoke and mirrors to attract someone into our “sexual web." Sex is wired into our brains- whether we like it our not.

In situations, difficult or not, we get defensive about those three little letters: S E X. No matter your social class, income level, gender role or credit history- sex is a part of our lives. Either we are not getting enough or we are getting too much. It’s either too kinky or too vanilla for our taste buds. Our partners are either too fast on the draw or too slow for words. Sex rarely seems to be just right. But when it is, it’s the equal to a starvation diet that ends with a buffet. It’s the best we ever had and we’re not too proud to beg for more. And though you may not agree with Freud or me we both have a point:

In the end, is sex the reason? Give it a moment and think about it.

Thinking about primping

How vigilant would we be in our primping ritual if sex weren’t the wanted result in the end? Would a Stairmaster really be a high priority if no one were there to watch our asses? That last piece of pizza or cheese Danish would be finished off with a smile instead of a dismal sigh while calculating calories. And even when we do get the prize, is it really worth it? Wouldn’t all this be much easier if we purchased a vibrator and lived like we wanted to?

Let’s take for example a typical relationship (which in the end is really just code for wanting sex on a regular basis):

You meet and are freshly groomed from your non-showing roots atop your head to your freshly painted toenails. You’re on your best behavior; all the time your hormones are in overdrive. The courting process has officially begun. This means that you must wear only your sexiest underwear, shave and moisturize your legs, and carry extra breath mints in the purse that you never used to carry. (Because, as everyone knows, you need to look both sexy and organized when trying to get laid.) You’re beyond witty, beyond charming, beyond anything you’ve ever been. This is no ordinary persona, this is “super you”. This is your “gonna get me some” self.

Finally the big night arrives. You’ve polished, waxed, shaved, trimmed, and tweezed as much as possible. There are enough candles to light a small village. Hours have been spent cleaning the entire house- just in case there’s a pre-sex inspection.

Soon the fresh sheets are no more. The sex monster has beckoned and you have answered the call. All the time, wishing you had checked your caller ID prior to answering. Soon enough, you’ll be wearing your faded flowered underwear instead of the black thong. Your roots will be showing, proving that you’re really not that true blonde, brunette or redhead. Some dismiss this as the “groove” of a relationship. But let’s face some facts. The let down has happened, the sexual conquest is over and it wasn’t much to write home about. And all that’s left are some melted candles and stale breath mints.

Before long, we’ll be primping ourselves and be back on the prowl. And none the wiser for we never really learned our lessons. If we luck out tonight, it’s back to scrubbed walls and organizational clutches. If not, I suggest investing in a vibrator and a brownie or two.

Shannon Ray has been interested and active around sex blogging for years. She loves talking, thinking about and researching sex. So, of course, she's the perfect GetLusty writer!

“I was raised by a tribe of drag queens. They taught me how to be fierce with a pen and lip-gloss,” often jokes writer Shannon Andrews-Ray. Having dated both sexes for nearly 15 years, Shannon gives an ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’ spin on the often hilarious mating habits of both men and women, through her various incarnations of her dating columns. “Love’s Frosting” is her most recent tumble. Want to get in touch? E-mail her here.