How Do I Give My Lady Better Butt Love?

Back in anal August, we talked a lot about butt sex. Regardless, anal sex questions remain. And, of course, here at GetLusty, we don't like to leave questions unanswered, so we had to get to the bottom of this issue. It's time. Down with bad butt sex. Maybe we're just feeling like super activists on the way to our SlutWalk Chicago Flash Dance Mob event this Saturday.

Either way, you might also have questions about giving your lovely lady partner butt love. Dr. Jenn is here to help. This is a guest post from Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, PH.D. Dr. Jenn is a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, as well as relationship and intimacy counselor.

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Dear Dr. Jenn & GetLusty,

I think it’s hot to put a finger in a girl’s butt when we are having sex "doggy style." But it doesn’t always work and sometimes my girlfriend says it hurts. What can I do about this? How can I please my girlfriend better?

Thanks,
Wannabe Anal Master

Dear Anal Master,

Anal play has become more and more popular, so thanks for your great question. First, make sure your partner is interested in experimenting with anal play. If she’s not into it, she’s going to have a hell of a time relaxing, and will likely experience pain. I don’t advise trying to ‘sneak it in’ without explicitly asking permission.

If you’re both on the same page about this, then you’re embarking into a realm of heightened pleasure. A short anatomy lesson can be helpful here.

To enter the anus, you have to pass through two sets of anal sphincter muscles. The first set are voluntary muscles, which is why relaxation on the woman’s part is important.

She can put her attention on that external muscle area, and choose to relax those muscles. However, the second ring of muscles is a different story. These internal muscles are involuntary, which means you can’t think your way into releasing them. However, they do respond to gentle, direct pressure.

From your side, Anal Master, knowing how to navigate these muscle rings is important. Playing around the outside of the anus with a well-lubed finger can help the woman concentrate on that area and relax the first sphincter muscles.

Then, gently pressing on the anus for several seconds will release the second set of muscles and allow access inside. For some women who are tense and nervous about this, it may take more time.

Remember to start small, slow, and with a lot of lubricant (particularly a thicker lube made specifically for anal play). With a little preparation, patience, and knowledge, you can definitely become the Anal Master.

Be well,
Dr. Jenn

This Q & A was originally posted over at her blog, Dr. Jenn's Den.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box. 

Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.