Why We Love Freud

We often think about sex. Why? Sex is one of those instinctual urges. This is an idea Sigmund Freud talked about frequently. Shannon Ray is here to talk about why Freudian ideas and Freud himself influences sex today.

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Sex through history

Throughout history, sex has played a major role. Wars have been started due to it; think Helen of Troy. Clothing has been designed to hide it; think Victorian era or to enhance it; think rubber, leather and latex. The type of beer and automobile we purchase are due to hidden sexual messages in advertisements. Even the expression "getting laid" dates back to the customers of a 1900’s Chicago bordello the "Everleigh Club". ("I’m going to get Everleighed tonight.") Some feel that our very existence comes down to simply getting laid, that sex is the primary motivation for our existence.

Freud's sexual theories

Sigmund Freud was one of those people. His belief was that everything we do is in relation to sex. Case in point: Being a pet owner shows the "softer" side of one's persona: a caretaker, a giver. We earn a paycheck to show that we are stable and able to provide. We shower and brush our teeth, and practice good general hygiene to attract others to us.

Even though there are some of us who choose not to mate, we are inherently sexual creatures. In the end, it’s all smoke and mirrors to attract someone into our “sexual web." Sex is wired into our brains- whether we like it our not.

In situations, difficult or not, we get defensive about those three little letters: S E X. No matter your social class, income level, gender role or credit history- sex is a part of our lives. Either we are not getting enough or we are getting too much. It’s either too kinky or too vanilla for our taste buds. Our partners are either too fast on the draw or too slow for words. Sex rarely seems to be just right. But when it is, it’s the equal to a starvation diet that ends with a buffet. It’s the best we ever had and we’re not too proud to beg for more. And though you may not agree with Freud or me we both have a point:

In the end, is sex the reason? Give it a moment and think about it.

Thinking about primping

How vigilant would we be in our primping ritual if sex weren’t the wanted result in the end? Would a Stairmaster really be a high priority if no one were there to watch our asses? That last piece of pizza or cheese Danish would be finished off with a smile instead of a dismal sigh while calculating calories. And even when we do get the prize, is it really worth it? Wouldn’t all this be much easier if we purchased a vibrator and lived like we wanted to?

Let’s take for example a typical relationship (which in the end is really just code for wanting sex on a regular basis):

You meet and are freshly groomed from your non-showing roots atop your head to your freshly painted toenails. You’re on your best behavior; all the time your hormones are in overdrive. The courting process has officially begun. This means that you must wear only your sexiest underwear, shave and moisturize your legs, and carry extra breath mints in the purse that you never used to carry. (Because, as everyone knows, you need to look both sexy and organized when trying to get laid.) You’re beyond witty, beyond charming, beyond anything you’ve ever been. This is no ordinary persona, this is “super you”. This is your “gonna get me some” self.

Finally the big night arrives. You’ve polished, waxed, shaved, trimmed, and tweezed as much as possible. There are enough candles to light a small village. Hours have been spent cleaning the entire house- just in case there’s a pre-sex inspection.

Soon the fresh sheets are no more. The sex monster has beckoned and you have answered the call. All the time, wishing you had checked your caller ID prior to answering. Soon enough, you’ll be wearing your faded flowered underwear instead of the black thong. Your roots will be showing, proving that you’re really not that true blonde, brunette or redhead. Some dismiss this as the “groove” of a relationship. But let’s face some facts. The let down has happened, the sexual conquest is over and it wasn’t much to write home about. And all that’s left are some melted candles and stale breath mints.

Before long, we’ll be primping ourselves and be back on the prowl. And none the wiser for we never really learned our lessons. If we luck out tonight, it’s back to scrubbed walls and organizational clutches. If not, I suggest investing in a vibrator and a brownie or two.

Shannon Ray has been interested and active around sex blogging for years. She loves talking, thinking about and researching sex. So, of course, she's the perfect GetLusty writer!

“I was raised by a tribe of drag queens. They taught me how to be fierce with a pen and lip-gloss,” often jokes writer Shannon Andrews-Ray. Having dated both sexes for nearly 15 years, Shannon gives an ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’ spin on the often hilarious mating habits of both men and women, through her various incarnations of her dating columns. “Love’s Frosting” is her most recent tumble. Want to get in touch? E-mail her here.

Why Do Food & Sex Work So Well Together?

In the middle of weekend brunch, at GetLusty, we were getting lusty again. Not surprising. But we thought, why do food and sex go so wonderfully together? What's their relationship? In advertising, sex is used to sell food and many other products. But how might couples use that same sexiness to enhance their own relationship?

Our Shannon Ray reports.

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Sex and food- the two go together like chocolate and peanut butter, P.B. and J, steak and potatoes, and milk and cookies. Our appetite for one only seems to be outweighed by our craving for the other.

We spend our time in immeasurable hours of feeling hungry/horny, wondering when we were going get our next hit- be food or sex. This link though may be more primitive then you thin. Demeter was the Roman Goddess of Fertility and Crops; showing that even ancient civilizations had sex and food on the brain.

Food is an addiction. Sex is also addiction, maybe the best addiction of them all. Many a love making session has started over a diner course. And preparing that special meal can be as intimate as having sex with your lover. The romantic dinner, the late night craving and the noon quickie are all escalations to sex. Certain foods even are thought to be an aphrodisiac like whipped cream, chocolate syrup, powered honey flavored jams and jellies and even Chez Whiz. Grapes, fed one at a time, are a staple of B-movies about decadent, imperial Romans. We give our loved one’s nicknames related to food –sugar, sweetie, honey, and muffin.

The same visceral experiences

The same can even be described for both sex and food: rich, spicy, mouth watering, sticky, messy, smooth, gooey, hot, cold, and in different. We also swallow, lick, bite, taste, suck and spit our way thru many courses and many lovers.

Haven’t we wished for the pizza delivery person to show up with a different kind of pie? And if they do, will the "30 minutes or free" be adjusted to all services rendered. And who hasn’t tried to recreate the refrigerator scene from “9 ½ Weeks”? Don't know what that scene was all about? Check it out below!


But how about combining the Betty Crocker Cookbook with the Kama Sutra? What if Julia Childs and Dr Ruth wrote the definitive sexual cooking book? This question became the topic during recent cocktail hour with friends. I asked, “If you had to compare sex with your lover to a food or beverage what one and why?”

Their reactions and answers were mixed. In the end, strawberry quick (sweet and smooth going down), brand “x” roman noodles (a basic staple), and poorly made sushi (tons of hype over some raw fish and rice) is what we came up with. So I ask you, does your lover make you think of gumbo (a savory mix with kick) or box of instant mashed potatoes (a quick fix)? Do they melt in your mouth? … Finger-licking good? … Good to the last drop?

Appetizers- foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. With this lover, sex is finger- foods as its best.
The meat and potatoes type- basic but still wonderful. The kind of sex that sticks to your ribs. Juicy, tender and who so filled with calories. It maybe not be as spicy as you’d like, but established is the name of this game.

The seven-course meal- a rare treat in itself. All the bases, no stone is left unturned in this meal, no taste bud left wanting. You walk away feeling full and satisfied in every way.

The buffet- a bit of everything and a whole lot waste of time. Remember, your eyes usually are bigger than your appetite. This lover feels it’s a necessity to try and serve it all instead of mastering a few.
The convince store/ fast food- microwave burrito’s and greasy burgers with fries are a fun treat sometimes, but is this really a meal that you’d like all the time?

Comfort Foods- these are the lovers that feel like home. They remind you of good old fashion Sunday meals of fried chicken, lumpy mashed potatoes with homemade gravy and all the sides. They seem to know every inch, every part of you all at once.

The desert cart- the sweetest of the sweet. Indulge yourself in the never-ending array of cakes, pastries, and pies. But remember ladies, too sweets leads to tooth decay.

We are instilled with two basic appetites- one for sex and one for food. With some lovers, you might starve to death from lack of nutrition. While with others, you may need “Overeaters Anonymous”. The future may show foreplay as a menu idea and many positions as carcinogenic. Lovemaking with any partner can be a feast or famine- a speculator buffet or letdown of leftovers. But it is always what you make of it. The proof, after all, is in the pudding.

Pic #1 thanks to Health Pop. Thanks to Glamour for pic #2.

Shannon has been interested and active around sex blogging for years. She loves talking, thinking about and researching sex. So, of course, she's the perfect GetLusty writer!

“I was raised by a tribe of drag queens. They taught me how to be fierce with a pen and lip-gloss,” often jokes writer Shannon Andrews-Ray. Having dated both sexes for nearly 15 years, Shannon gives an ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’ spin on the often hilarious mating habits of both men and women, through her various incarnations of her dating columns. “Love’s Frosting” is her most recent tumble. Want to get in touch? E-mail her here.