"Mindfulness" as Sex Therapy

 Being mindful of your sexuality and even your emotions benefits your personal development. Meditation is healing. Sex is also healing. So, why wouldn't they both help sexual trauma or difficulties? How about channeling that mindfulness into your sexuality? GetLusty advocate, sexologist and sex therapist, Dr. Jenn reports.

* * *

Boring sex? Pain during intercourse? Distracted in bed? Sex addiction? No desire to get it on? Is it possible that all these sexual concerns and sex problems could have the same remedy? Yes, and that remedy is the ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is an awareness skill of being present in the moment, with your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. It is noticing the present moment and – here’s the kicker – not judging what you notice. The health benefits of mindfulness are profound: stress reduction, decline in anxiety, depression relapse prevention, overcoming addiction, and reducing chronic pain, not to mention greater happiness and fulfillment in life.

Researchers are also delving into the sexual realm to see how mindfulness can improve sex lives. Although little research has been done so far, it seems to be beneficial for women with low desire, vulva pain, and emotional distress from past sexual trauma. There is anecdotal evidence that it is valuable for sex “addiction,” erectile dysfunctions, and boredom.

I’ve been integrating mindfulness-based practices into my sex therapy and couples counseling work for several years because I think it’s the foundation for all personal growth.

Do you freak out with jealousy if your boyfriend receives a text from another woman? Mindfulness can help break that automatic pattern. Are you distracted during sex by your bulging belly or your long to-do list? Mindfulness skills keep you grounded in the moment and release such mind chatter. Integrating little daily practices of mindfulness can make these big brain changes.

I have mindfulness on my brain more than usual this week, because I just went to a sex conference this weekend. Its not as sexually titillating as it may sound, but it will be intellectually titillating. At this 2012 annual conference for AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, & Therapists) in Austin, TX, I will be speaking on “Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body: Improving Sex Lives Through Mindfulness.” My take home message for the audience? Mindfulness is the new sexy.

This was originally posted as part of Pacific San Diego Magazine's sex & love blog series. Check it out the Mindfullness post here.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box.

Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

Lady Gaga Says Stop Body Shaming

GetLusty is a sex positive organization that believes in the beauty of all people in all of their glorious different, shapes, sizes, and colors.

The inspiration for this article not only comes from the media but also the insecurities of one or two of our own staff members. There's been a lot of talk in the last several days about Lady Gaga's change in body. Well, Lady Gaga took on this critism and made her own new comeback announcing she's dealt with bulimia and anorexia since she was 15. Her new campaign, Body Revolution, aims to end shame. Crimson Love reports.

We admit, it's kinda funny that it's slightly ironic, though, that a thin lady is talking about body shaming & body positivity? 

***

What is body shaming?

We have been living in a day and age where we are taught to be ashamed of what we have, who we are and what we are if it's not the standard or "better". In the media we see a lot of body shaming (criticism of others for not having the "perfect" body).

We see a lot of famous stars getting the brunt of this negative attention which, trickles down to regular society. You may think that it's alright for famous stars to be held to a higher standard or, for overweight people to be told to loose weight. But why? Because famous people are supposed to be beautiful and someone needs to tell the overweight people the truth about how being big is unattractive? No!

What's the problem?

When we partake in the dismembering of someone's looks we are perpetuating a standard of what we think people should look like, in addition to belittling their talents and them as a person. Our aesthetics-based society is allowing us to objectify men, women, and girls and by doing so everyone is expected to meet unrealistic standards.

We have created an environment that is not safe or conducive to self love and appreciation. Women and girls fall so hard in these situations and turn on each other. Instead of helping and encouraging one another, we join the media in the age old patriarchal bashing of our feminine figures in all of their beautiful variety. And for what? It accomplishes nothing and does more harm than good by giving everyone a complex. Being healthy is important but that doesn't mean everyone needs to be lean stick figure. Who do we need to please but ourselves?

Stopping the cycle

The good thing is that in recent years we have seen a huge turn around in the fight against body shaming and looks based discrimination. Companies like Dove started their Real Beauty campaign to showcase women of all different shapes, sizes, and colors. In 2010, Dove launched the Dove Movement for Self-Esteem which allows older girls and women to help mentor younger generations and together celebrate beauty. Earlier in 2011, Vogue Italia had their own campaign about real beauty and femininity. They featured spreads of some of the most beautiful plus sized models in the industry.

The more we learn and celebrate what real beauty is all about, the more we can help tear down these unrealistic expectations and diminish the increasingly dangerous body shaming problem.

Celebrate you!

With love from, GetLusty!

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at amber@getlusty.com.