Orgasm October is coming. Oh my. I didn't even plan that. So, of course, we can't wait. I know--it's Fifty Shades of Grey September. But, duh, there are so many ecstatic orgasms in there, too.
This is part of what necessarily needs to be a multiple part exploration of the anatomy. Want to achieve different types of orgasms? Know your anatomy! This post by Anne Brown focuses on clitoral orgasms for vagina-owners and vagina-lovers. What arousal looks like, tips getting your or your partner’s pussy ready for clitoral stimulation, what clitoral orgasms might feel like to you/your partner and why. Anne Brown reports.
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Our overarching rule: All vaginas are different. I’ve tried to be on the “safe” side when describing arousal and clitoral stimulation, so your vagina might like more or less pressure, mechanical stimulation or otherwise. Something else fun and special and that is totally normal. Having trouble having an orgasm is also very normal and under no circumstances should anyone ever say that “this will make someone come” because that would put terrible pressure on you/your partner and that is not what we want. We want you to become enlightened about pussies!
I don’t want to say that I’ve had a clitoris for my “whole life” because I am not about to talk about how sex organs develop in a fetus and I don’t want to get into the when-does-life-begin territory.
So instead: I am a clitoris-owner–have been for a long time–and I just learned that the clit isn’t just the little hard bulb that may or may not peek out when a woman is aroused. Actually, that little head is just the tip of this way bigger thing that goes underneath the inner labia! Look at this diagram– the dark pink parts are all clitoris-material!
Check out the anatomic map!See the darker lines that trace down over the ‘glans clitoris’ and end together at the bottom? That’s the clitoral hood and the vaginal opening.
Doesn’t it kind of look like a flying penis? Like a little penis with big wings flapping on a downward-flap like a drawing of a bird on those beach scenes you drew in 6th grade?
I was hoping you would notice because guess what: a penis develops in utero from the clitoris. Penises are sensitive all over the place but especially on the tip and guess what again: a clitoris is the same way. When a developing fetus becomes male, the outer labia on a vagina stick together to make a ball sack. That is why there is a seam on the scrotum if you’ve ever been in a position to notice that seam. Developing humans are pretty economical, guys!
Notice the nubJust like the penises they sometimes engender, clitorises get erections when they want some sex. They might poke out and look like a little nub from under the hood, they might feel very firm to the touch underneath the hood, or they might stick out a long way. All three are normal.
Other physiological signs of vagina-arousal include blood-filled, pumped-up labia that have changed color (any color is a normal color!) and increased wetness. Wetness varies from person to person and from day to day, though, so while “this is definitely wet” is aroused, “not immediately apparent wet” isn’t necessarily a sign of not-aroused.
A quick note on dont'sIf you are interested pleasing a chosen pussy, whether it be your own or someone else’s, do not–I REPEAT– do not stick anything straight on the tip of that clit unless you are very, very sure that this particular clit will like it. Checking for physical signs of arousal before touching the clitoris directly will help avoid any pain. If you are a good scientist and your “Is the pussy aroused enough for orgasm?” data seems incomplete, you can do some things to ensure that you are on the right track to helping the pussy experience a clitoral orgasm.
So many parts of the body that are not the clitoris feel nice to be touched and will arouse sexy feelings in the clitoris by proxy. Whether you are dealing with your own or someone else’s, good places to start are body-touches that could be near the zone of the clitoris. A thigh-or boob-squeeze, some nice petting and/or cuddling, some kissing.
Take your time
Even if you are in a partner-sex situation and sex has already been happening in other ways, the receiver of clitoris-pleasure needs to be relaxed/safe/happy-feeling, so take your time. When you’re ready to move to the vagina area of the body, start by petting or kissing the inner thighs and labia, and then use your tongue/fingers/vibrator/whatever and maybe try going between the inner and outer labia–closer to those legs of the clitoris!
And touch the vaginal opening. Another thing to avoid doing unless you know your chosen pussy likes it, is to just jab something into that vagina-opening. If you are going to do that, go slowly. If the vagina doesn’t seem that wet, wisely use some lube, making sure that it is not cold. You’ll want the clitoris to be wet when you touch it, anyway. Check out all
Vulva Lovely's wearable vulva jewelery on
Flickr.
Moving onto the clit, start by feeling on top of the hood or on the sides for hardness. Press down. Listen to the noises your partner is making/ask so you know what feels good! If you are a pussy-owner stimulating yourself, think about whether something feels good for you or you just “think it should” and get rid of the “should's”. You can play with the clit with that skin on the hood/around it as a barrier if it’s is too sensitive to touch directly.
Don't forget to talkDifferent pussies like different touching, so talk, listen and make noises and pay attention! Some people like a lot of pressure, or a little. Some people like fast vibration-feeling sensation and some prefer slow, more pulse-like movements. Every clit will like wet. On average it takes 20 minutes of clitoral stimulation to have a clitoral orgasm.
However, it’s definitely different for different people/times so don’t try to put a time limit on yourself/partner and don’t feel bad if it’s taking a long time. Since we’re just talking about clitoral orgasms, I’m not going into the fingers/penis/implement inside the pussy at all. Why? I don’t want any confusion with g-spot stimulation, which works for some and not others in varying degrees. Your chosen pussy might like something inside of it even if most of the action is on the clit and outside the body.
You can try a ton of things at the beginning, but once you find something that is really feeling good for your chosen pussy stick with it and keep doing the same thing. When climax is near, the clit does not want anything new! It wants that exact same thing that is making it feel so close to orgasm.
Orgasm timeOrgasm Time! Orgasms are the result of a ton of tension leaving the body at once. Kegel exercises help orgasms be felt more strongly because the stronger the muscles around the vagina, the more tense they can clench and the more dramatic their release.
Clitoral orgasms feel different at different times. Sometimes orgasms can feel like just a little zing and/or warmth in the clitoris/vagina-opening area (think of the legs!). Sometimes they feel like a big spreading of zinging and/or warmth that spreads to the upper thighs/chest/other parts of the body. Sometimes the orgasm is so strong that the muscles twitch all over the place–this is the pudendal nerve’s fault!
Some clitoral orgasms can move up and do the fireworks-in-the-eyes thing, but the big, showy ones probably won’t happen every time. Some will last one second and some will last 10-15 seconds. People are capable of many types, and so it doesn’t help for anyone to have one type of orgasm in mind! Any orgasm-experience, almost orgasm-experience and intimate experience in general is worth appreciating just the way it is. The easiest way to kill an orgasm is for anyone is to make an orgasm or specific type of orgasm a “goal” of a particular act. Orgasm shouldn't always be the goal. That's stressful!
References
- Cage, Diana (2012). Mind-Blowing Sex: A Woman’s Guide. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press
- Sex Nerd Sandra. (Nerdist.com). (2012, May, 15). Orgasms for Everybody! [Audio Podcast]
- Sex Nerd Sandra. (Nerdist.com). (2011, November, 2). Stress Relief [Audio Podcast].
Check out the original post
The Enlightened Sexpot.
Anne blogs from her base in Boston as
The Enlightened Sexpot and works at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, RI.
Originally from Seattle, she studied Spanish and Latin American literature/film/art at Dartmouth College while also obtaining a teaching certificate in Kindergarten- 8th grade.
In addition to her interest in any and all things sex-related, Anne is a huge NPR nerd, book nerd, and an enthusiastic spin class participant. You can follow her on twitter
@shinysex and also check out her blog, the Enlightened Sexpot.
I’ve been integrating mindfulness-based practices into my sex therapy and couples counseling work for several years because I think it’s the foundation for all personal growth.
