How-to: Erotic Humiliation 101

There are so many different kinds of BDSM. 50 Shades of Grey inspired us all to think about kink in a different light. So how about the practical sides of this. Why might you be interested in erotic humiliation and exactly what does this entail? Technogeisha has been thinking about kink and erotic humiliation for some time. She enjoys being humiliated, and explains why in this article. Technogeisha reports.

Again, please make sure you're communicating with your lover throughout this process. Please read our sexual negotiation article, as well as traits of a submissive and traits of a dominant.

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There’s been lots of talk about kink during Shades of Grey September. Recently, I was approached to write about a certain brand of kink that, up until recently, hadn’t been discussed much. It happens to be the kind of kink I enjoy and it’s called erotic humiliation.

OK, It's an uncomfortable topic

In the realm of BDSM, humiliation can be an uncomfortable topic. Everyone is used to spanking, flogging, even bondage. These subjects can sometime seem, dare I say, pedestrian.

Unfortunately, I don’t particularly enjoy pain play. Not on it’s own anyway. Even with an experienced dominant, I only come close to the edge, but not over it. What takes me to that place involves hands intertwined in my hair, my head pulled back, being forced to my knees, being told what I can and cannot do, having to ask or even beg for release and it all starts with the words “Are you my dirty whore?”

Separate sex from "real life"

It’s not just pain or forceful dominance. The power is also in the words, in the triggers. In the real world I don’t approve of the words “whore” or “slut” being used to shame. I also don’t like being told what to do.

Tell me not to do something, say something or wear something and I’ll immediately want to do it. In the realm of play, though, the things I can’t abide in real life become eroticized. These words strongly delivered are a turn on. I long to be told what to do. I want to give my Sir complete control of me and enjoy every “Please, Sir” and “Thank you, Sir” I utter.

I’m aroused by the fear of being punished for not completing a task or forgetting to ask permission. These triggers are strong and can even work when written. I’ve been reduced to a wet mess with just a text. It’s not about the smack on the ass or a cane across the thighs. It’s about the power exchange. It’s the ultimate mind fuck.

What is erotic humiliation? 

At its core, erotic humiliation is about using embarrassment, fear and shame. These aspects can run the spectrum from verbal to physical. It’s also important to note that humiliation and dominance are not exactly the same thing.

Humiliation doesn’t always involve being ordered about. Strict humiliation without dominance is when words and actions are used to belittle not to dominate. The dominant, in the absence of dominance, is sometimes called a Humiliatrix. Personally, I like humiliation along with dominance and good dose of bondage thrown in. It’s less about embarrassment for me than it is about giving up control.

The 2 kinds of erotic humiliation

Erotic humiliation itself can be broken down into varieties of verbal and physical forms.

#1 Verbal

Verbal humiliation can mean the use of words like slut or whore; being mocked, ridiculed or have appearance belittled; use of racial or ethnic slurs; asking permission to eat, to go to the bathroom or to have an orgasm; not allowing sub to leave the dungeon or house; treated like a pet or an object; being treated or scolded like a child; made to use honorifics such as Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am or Daddy. An example would be using demeaning language with the sub either in a forced feminization, a pet play or slave scene.


#2 Physical

Physical aspects of humiliation can be; being slapped or spanked; having movements restricted; orgasm denial or orgasm on demand; sexual denial by command or use of chastity device; enforced dress code (i.e.: forced cross dressing) or required to wear nothing; deprival of privacy such as being watched using the toilet; requiring to wear collar; performing acts of body worship; performing tasks or acts of service; public humiliation; being used as furniture; being ejaculated on or spit on; used as a human toilet; cuckolding; performing sexual acts without reciprocation. Examples can be the use of spanking to humiliate like a child, using someone as a chair or footrest, forced oral sex or asking the sub to do something embarrassing in public.

Negotiation, negotiation, negotiation

Humiliation, just like pain play, requires discussion and negotiation beforehand to state desired play, set limits and agreement on safe words. It is important to establish a clear safe word in play where words like “no”, “stop”, “ow” or “help” can be part of the scenario. You also need to decide whether it will be played out as just a scene or be part of everyday life. Communication is also very important when multiple partners are involved as in open relationships. Different partners could have different rules and boundaries. It helps to have a Top that you trust & feel comfortable with. Erotic humiliation is about discovering erotic triggers. Constant communication on both sides of the D/s relationship helps to know not only what works but also what doesn’t.

Don't forget about aftercare

It can be difficult to understand why someone would find the eroticization of humiliation such a turn on. It can look frighteningly like abuse from the outside. It’s important to know that both the dominant/ top and the sub/bottom are engaging in play that arouses the other.

Humiliation is not just about pleasuring yourself but your play partner as well. The sub tells the dominant what they would and would not like to do, and vice versa, so it is always consensual.

Even rape play that looks non-consensual was negotiated ahead of time with safe words and limits. Aftercare is just as important here as it is with pain play. Erotic humiliation is a mind game so there should be comfort and reassurance afterward. We'll talk more extensively about aftercare soon. For now, just make sure you again tell each other how much you care about each other and be extra-specialy-nice.

Let's not analyze

There is also a temptation to psychoanalyze the origin of these desires. I recently read an article by ABC News where psychologists tried to determine the origins of fetishes. They were convinced that certain events in childhood must kick off the fetish.

Humiliation is sometimes described as a kink and sometimes fetish. This may be because paraphilias can be incorporated into play. It’s a slippery slope trying to figure out how a kink or a fetish manifests itself. I’m not a big fan of this kind of analysis. I believe the reasons for what turns you on depends on many different personal factors. Not every foray into kink or fetish has to do with childhood trauma. It could just feel good and work for you or your partner.

Don't be afraid to negotiate & experiment gently

I feel like this was only the tip of the iceberg on this topic. I can only hope it opened a small window into a kind of kink that has a tendency to live in the shadow of it’s pain play cousin. If you’d like to include some of this into your play the best way to start is talking to your partner.

Do a little researching, a little soul-searching and start slowly if need be. There are books that cover the subject by authors such as Tristan Taormino and Midori plus lots of erotica for inspiration. You can even find classes on erotic humiliations at popular adult stores, fetish events and dungeons (which we'll talk about). Humiliation is different things to different people. It may take both conversation and experimentation to find what works for you.

Originally posted on Live on the Swingset.

Technogeisha loves to use her passion for writing and research to learn more about open relationships and sexuality. She looks forward to sharing her discoveries with all of you. She writes for Life on the Swing Set and contributes to Sexis Social at Eden Fantasys and other sites. Find her on Facebook as Miko Technogeisha and on Twitter as @Technogeisha.

Build Your Own 50 Shades of Grey Play Kit!

If you have read the recent literary phenomenon 50 Shades of Grey, then you must be familiar with the sexy toys it mentions. However, if you are more of a novice then that's ok too! Here are 11 sexy, fun, entertaining and pleasurable toys and items that will make your next romp in the bedroom just that much better.

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Riding Crop - The riding crop got special attention in the book after Anna admitted to Christian that it was something she had fantasized about. It's good for taunting, teasing, spanking for pleasure and punishing.

Bondage Tape - Bondage tape is amazing! We speak from personal experience. It sticks to itself and wont tear out your arm hair or hair from wherever else you're using it. It also comes in tons of fun colors!

Stimulants - These will make your juicy bits more sensitive to touch and the overall sensation is amazing. So when you play you will be able feel and revel in every delicious moment of it.

Candles - If your feeling a little bold we would suggest candles and candle wax. The sensation of hot candle wax on the body is very titillating and sensual. WARNING! If you are not experienced with candle wax play I would suggest using candles made from paraffin wax, soy way, or bayberry (myrtle wax). All of these waxes burn at a low temperature so it's safer for the skin and you won't risk injury. Stick with pure waxes with no colors or perfumes because, that has an effect on the temperature at which your candle will burn.

Nipple clamps - Yes, nipple clams. They aren't at scary and painful as they seem. You can buy adjustable clamps to control the amount of pressure you want. It adds sensitivity and certainly adds more pleasure.

Cock ring - Not only for your man but for you as well. A cock ring will add longevity to your man's erection and will help him last longer.  

Vibrator - Vibrators are not just solo play any more! You can introduce a vibrator for your pleasure and for your man's pleasure. The vibrating sensation will feel great on your man's balls and on the under side of the head of his cock. Take turns pleasuring each other!

Butt Plug - Also good for you and your man. Try wearing this while you're partaking in intercourse and feel extra pleasure. Your lover can also wear one while he receives head. This will intensify his orgasm.

Blind Fold - When you have a sense a taken away your others become heightened to compensate. This means your skin becomes more sensitive, and your hearing and sense of smell also become heightened. Try sensory play while blind folded.

Rope - Handcuffs are naughty and fun but, ropes are naughty, artful, and versatile. You can create many positions with ropes.

A nice bag or case - Yes, to store everything in of course! You can buy a nice chest or a bag and store everything in a drawer or in your closet. Or, you can buy both and use the bag for any traveling or vacation excitement.

There are many great toys you can use to up your game in the bedroom. Look at our suggestions, do some research and make your own 50 Shades kit. 

If you're feeling bold feel free to share your experiences with us! We would love to hear how GetLusty helps you! With love from, GetLusty.

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at amber@getlusty.com. 

Top 9 Traits for a Submissive

Everyone at GetLusty hopes you all are learning as much as possible during our Fifty Shades of Grey September!

If you haven't already read our articles on Negotiation 101 and Getting Started with BDSM, please do so! We want you to be as knowledgeable about BDSM as possible, so you can have fun and be safe!

This post was written by Master Anakin from Journey to the Darkside, a blog about Anakin's and Padme's BDSM relationship (with a Star Wars twist).

Without adieu, the top 9 traits for a submissive in a BDSM relationship.

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1. Submissive

As a general trait, a submissive isn't asking to be a submissive, they just are. That's the way there are wired. If it isn't there, if that isn't how you feel at heart; if you just don't feel that way towards dominant people, it just won't work.


2. Open

A submissive has to open themselves up to the Dominant's world; they'll be asked and taught to move towards growth and learning new things. But, change can be frightening. There has to be a core willingness to accept the dominant and what they profess is good for you.

3. A sense of humor

See #12 from the dominant list. It's okay to laugh at your dominant when he slips on they KY; and at yourself when you slip. On the other hand, it isn't okay when he's given an order and you know you've been terrible. It's not likely to draw a great deal of sympathy as the dominant orders you to bend over.

4. Responsive

A submissive who claims to be responsive, but is unwilling to listen to the Dominant, and who is convinced that they are the perfect submissive (that they've done nothing wrong ever and that they have nothing to learn) will never grow.

5. Communicative  

A submissive is constantly communicating her needs with or without the dominant's requests for information on how she's feeling and doing.

6. Intelligence 

If the submissive knows nothing about submission (through reading and talking with others), if they can't figure out what they want, if they can't understand or fathom why they are being asked to undergo training, then no amount of explaining from the dominant will penetrate or be helpful.

7. Emotional awareness 

A submissive needs to be aware of how she is feeling, for she is asking and asked to endure a great deal. A good submissive is even aware of how the dominant is feeling. They are aware of the often complimentary and conflicting emotions; loving the pain and being turned on from a good spanking.

8. Strong

As I tell my Padme, it takes more strength to be a submissive by far than to be a dominant. The submissive is asked to endure more, to grow more, to learn more, on a consistant basis, than the dominant. If the submissive is unable to gather the strength to tell a dominant that they aren't doing something right, if they can't challenge something someone says in conversation, then they won't make a good submissive. A good submissive isn't a doormat that just accepts. My submissive is a submissive to me, not the rest of the world. There will be times they need to be strong, and when that time comes they will be.

9. Desire

A submissive is wanting to give up a lot of her freedom's for the benefits of submission; they ask a lot of themselves in order to even ask for this, let alone live it on a daily basis. They've got to want it or they wont be able to stick with it and they will resist it until something gives. They've got to want it even when the dominant is lacking; if they are a true submissive, that fire to be submissive may flicker, but it will never die.

This was a guest-post from Anakin and Padme Amidala at Journey to the Dark Side. Their blog explores their life together, BDSM, erotic imagery, polyamory, and their true sexual and spanking adventures...with an awesome Star Wars theme! Anakin and Padme have been together for 15 years and married for 7 of them.

Gags & Clips 101 for #SexToyTuesday

It's #SexToyTuesday. Need some ideas to rev up your love life? Ellen is here to the sexual rescue with some toys that you can add into your bedroom for the ultimate pleasure thrill!

Last week it was smacks and whips, this week is gags and clips! That's right, we dare you to go into that exquisite realm of bondage, pain, and most of all pleasure.

Going along with our Fifty Shades of Grey September, this sex toy round up is all about sensuous torture. Restraints, nipple clamps, ball gags, oh my! And all brought to you by the sinfully sexy Pinkcherry!

This is another great article by our own Ellen Dukes.

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Nipple clamps

First up are the infamous nipple clips or clamps. As you may remember from this month's inspiration, Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, nipple clamps are a favorite in bondage play. Whether it's sucking, pinching, prodding, or pulling the nipples, clamps are meant to flirt with the painful side of pleasure. Don't let the discomfort angle scare you off readers. Nipple clips can be perfectly harmless, especially for beginners, when used correctly.

Also, remember, both sexes have nipples, so this needn't be for the women only. When picking out a nipple product, you can test the strength on your finger or even better, the flesh of your arm, which is fairly sensitive. A good rule of thumb is that if it hurts your finger, your nipple is not going to be happy. Definitely work up to the stronger clamps if that's your goal- it can be done.

For beginners, I would suggest a sucking type of clamp like Pinkcherry's Mini Nipple Suckers as foreplay to stimulate them to full attention. It's easy to use (simply squeeze and let go on the nipple). If you are up for something more, try either My First Nipple Clamps or Nipplettes Vibrating Nipple Clamps.

Both vibrate wirelessly (which can help intensify the pressure in a good way), are waterproof, and, best of all, fully adjustable for whichever kind of level you are at. Pairing some trusty nipple clamps with restraints (and heck, throw in a blindfold!) will work superbly as torture play. Tease, tease, and tease your partner some more with the exquisite pressure of nipple clamps. They will definitely bring out your naughtier side.

Blind folds

Next, is the realm of sensory deprivation.
It may sound like a small and simple item,
but a blindfold can make a word of difference.
Covering your or your lover's eyes creates
a vunerability that can be quite thrilling.

You don't know what caress or lick will go where or when, creating a sensual tension. Plus, with a good quality blind fold dampening your sight, other sensations will take charge with a vengeance.

Try covering your lovers eyes while whispering something very naughty into his/her ear. Or, even better, both strip to the buff, make sure the blind is secure, and surprise them by ravishing different parts of their body, or rubbing parts of yours all over them. Especially paired with your favorite restraint (which I'll definitely hit later) blindfolds can be a surprisingly new way to spice up your usual love making.

Most any cloth material will work as a makeshift blindfold, but I would suggest Pinkcherry's Plushy Gear Lover's Eye Mask. It's soft, dark, and molds to your face making each wear comfy with all the sexy benefits of sensory deprivation.

Restraints

Restraints can also heighten that sexual tension. Whether they be the cool metal of handcuffs (please, do make sure you have the key!), the flexibility of rope, or the simplicity of sheets tied to the bedpost, restraining a lover is a whole new world of love making.

But first things first, some safety tips.

Have an exit: Make sure you both are comfortable with untying the knot or unlocking the cuff. I doubt sexy times can happen without an exit. Of course, intercourse can definitely take place whilst restrained, but when one partner is not quite as into it, or the fun times are over, release has a whole other meaning.

Too tight or just right?: This is a biggie: watch how tightly you knot the material or cuff. Cutting off circulation can get pretty unsexy in a hurry. So if you or your partner feel any numbness, pain, or strain in the tied limb, speak up so the restraint can be released. Having a mutual safety word as well as trying a few practice knots on yourself can get you up to par and ready for a real session.

Once you're a-ok with ropes, cuffs, or whatever you're using, get ready to tease your partner until they beg for more! For beginners, I would suggest using either Pinkcherry's Fetish Fantasy Bed Bindings or the Beginner's Bondage Fantasy Kit. Both have very user friendly restraints (the bed bindings doesn't even need a post or headboard!) to ease you into your bondage fantasies.

Are you or your partner successfully restrained? Now, tease your way up and down their body, varying the pressure and consistency of your touches or (even better) licks. Incorporate food (just watch out for sugary substances in the vagina, yeast infections are not fun) or other toys. Even your most steadfast vibrator can turn into a whole new experience once you're in control. I highly advise using a blindfold and using ice on the most sensitive area. Go between the shocking cold of the ice and the intimate warmth of your mouth for a real treat.

Gags


Though there is very real potential for drool with this torture device, I say go for it! Another deprivation is speech. When you can't tell your lover what you want, you must rely on moans, groans, and body language. The gag can be a major prop in role playing.

Try some rougher play, with restraints and even a blindfold. The gag is meant to be power play, so maybe a game of sex slave for the afternoon with your lover on hands and knees with the ball gag and nothing else. Or the classic break-in situation, with a burglar restraining and gagging the unsuspecting victim before ravaging their body. It's completely up to you.

As for products, try the Beginner Ball Gag to see if you like the feel. This gag is tapered towards the back to keep the jaw from opening too wide, making for a more comfortable experience. Those looking for more should consider stepping up to the Spider Gag. Just make sure you keep proper hygiene in safely washing these toys, since they are going in your mouth. Many are silicone, rubber, latex, or metal, so easily washable, or even bleachable.

With your gag, simply insert into your/your partner's mouth, adjust the strap, and there you go. Some more complicated gags have different parts, metal bits, or can be adjusted in multiple fashions. Also, since a safety word will be harder understand, be sensitive to each others body language, as it will indicate what they're feeling. Overall, make sure you're comfortable with the gag and then unleash your wilder fantasies.


This is a guest post by GetLusty writer, Ellen Dukes. Though Ellen Dukes is not an ethical slut (a damn respectable title, she'll have you know), her curiosity, openness, and the indefatigable search engine Google have lead her to a 21st century sex education.

A Chicagoan, you may see Ellen enjoying the delights of her deeply loving relationship with her boyfriend. Have a naughty story? She's heard naughtier, but tell her all the same at ellen@getlusty.com. She's a wannabe sexpert with years of porn viewing, listening to sex stories, and textbook browsing just waiting to put this knowledge to wonderful use.

Hilarious! How to Choose Your Safe Word

We like keeping sex funny here at GetLusty. So what's more funny than determining what your safe word is? Alright, well it can be funny. Our resident sexual comedian, Ryan Lathrop, writes on the funniness of picking your safe word.

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Since this is BDSM Month here at GetLusty, I thought I’d use my sage wisdom to give you advice on how to choose a safe word. You wouldn’t go skydiving without a parachute so you shouldn’t use a riding crop without safe words.

Word association

An often overlooked part of safe word selection is word association. Let’s say you pick the safe word avocado. Every time you go into a Mexican restaurant you're going to be half mast. No bueno. Now on the other hand, you don’t want your word to be a turnoff for your partner- the only time "moist" should be used in a sentence is when describing devil's food cake. Lastly, you never want to pick a word that rhymes with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend because that will never end well. It will be you and your Tivo for the rest of the night.

Variety

Since variety is the spice of life, here is a list of commonly recognized safe words to help you along in the bedroom.

Word/phrase: what it means

Bukowski: I need a bottle of wine before I do that.

Tolkien: Enough with the foreplay.

Joyce: You’ll enjoy this a lot more later when someone explains it to you.

Eastwood: Let’s move to the chair.

The Office: Are you going to be done with that anytime soon?

Frasier: Get the lube, things are getting too dry.

The Doctor: This gadget should move everything along.

Hulk Hogan: I am faking this right now.

Avengers: I thought having this many people around would make things awkward but I love it.

Clinton: You've been doing this for a bit and I've started to not like it. But, now I like it again.

George W: You are fucking everything up.

Obama: I need you to pause three seconds before you do everything.

Democrat: I’ll do that for you.

Republican: Ohhhhhhhh.....so that’s how that works.

Libertarian: You’re going to have to do that yourself.

Rahm Emanuel/David Mamet : Could you swear more?

KAHN! I don’t have one for this. I just think it would be funny to shout it out during intercourse.

Ease

Finally, pick a safe word that is easy to say. After choosing "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" as my safe word one time, I couldn't sit for a week! Hopefully, you have found this article both informative and amusing. Now go forth into the world of BDSM and remember: always come prepared with a safe word.

Ryan Lathrop is a comedy nerd who moved to Chicago to dive head first into comedy. Having most of his sexual firsts with hippie ladies has caused him to be very open talking about sex, sometimes to the annoyance of his more conservative (sexually not politically) friends. His expertise is from whatever he can remember from his Human Sexuality class, the web, the Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast and his own sex life which is more of a sexish life. He's into choking in the bedroom not because he's kinky but because he has sleep apnea. Follow him on Twitter @nerdyviking.

Whipping & Flogging 101 for Couples

Everyone starts off as a newbie at sometime. So we thought -- how about trying whipping or flogging as part of Fifty Shades September? It's a great excuse to try out new things. You may have considered this out of the question before 50 Shades. Well, at GetLusty, we're all about finding excuses to try new things out and keep your sex and love lives spicy!

Just because you're in a long-term relationship or marriage, shouldn't mean it's gotta be boring! So before you start, we recommend the negotiation 101 and 6 tips for getting started in BDSM. After you've read those two, check out this is a guest post by our own Ellen Dukes.

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Corporal punishment may not immediately come to mind as sexy. In fact, many couples do not associate pain with pleasure at all. A moment please, lovers, to sway your minds about the sensuality of punishment.

Whipping and flogging (also used as a tool of corporal punishment) doesn't have to be excruciating. It can be a different flavor of pleasure altogether! Bondage can get pretty heavy with a willing couple, to the point of rope, gags, latex, and a sexy myriad of playthings.

However, the focus of this article is to ease beginners into the softer end of the punishment spectrum.

We're talking light whipping, spanking, and for the adventurous, flogging. As we've seen throughout anal August on GetLusty, the ass is a very erogenous zone, inside and out. The fatty tissue allows for quite a bit of stimulation, it was made to take a so-called beating. A smart smack on the bottom can get the blood flowing, quite literally.


Stick to the ass

For beginners, focus on the ass. Like I said, it's fleshier and can take some attention. You don't want to accidentally wander over to a more sensitive area. A painful blow to the lower back could quickly stop sexy times. The lower back also holds many vital organs so always avoid it. Usually getting into a comfortable position for the smack helps the smacker not to stray from the golden area. Then, you can get into a rhythm both will enjoy.

Spanking

This is the simplest of punishments. All you need is a willing hand and an eager bottom. A few playful pats can signify sexy times, especially when administered at unexpected times. Perhaps if you're feeling a bit randy, swat your lover's bum in the kitchen or playfully whilst brushing teeth before bed. I'm sure they'll get the message. What's best is to work near the bottom of the butt, where it's most fleshy.

For more intense and intentional spanking, I suggest losing the clothes and assuming the position. That's right, bend over and bend over anything.

The bed, the couch, the kitchen counter, even your gal/guy's lap. There's a heightened expectation when you prepare yourself for punishment.

Even having your lover tell you (firmly or in jest, whatever works) to bend over. Just a few commands can create that tension even before the hand falls.

You can, of course, use much more than your hand. Paddles, wooden spoons, and even your simple hairbrush can work in a pinch.

Something firm, fairly light, and usually a similar shape to the hand can render a desirable effect. I would highly suggest varying the speed and/or the force of the spank for a heightened experience. Not knowing what blow will come next can be a great tease.

Whipping

For those who've dabbled in spanking, or are ready for something a bit harder, whipping could be your go to punishment.

Here, you'll need, of course, a whip, or something that can lash. We love PinkCherry for whips (and most everything else). Check out their extensive selection here. We recommend a Lelo Suede Whip like the one on the below. Unless you really put your arm into it, it won't give you any serious pain.

For beginners, I suggest a softer material than the leather one usually associates with whip, we're not trying to be Indiana Jones here. Cotton rope, bristles, and even some brushes from feather dusters or dangling your hair over the area can create pleasurable results.

Cat o'nine tails may look scary, but when used properly, can be a sexy tool for whipping. Just make sure beginners get a cat without stings or snares on the end of each tassel.

Next #SexToyTuesday, we'll offer whipping & flogging recommendations, so stay tuned!

Beginners Note:

Try merely dangling the whip's ends over the bare butt to tease your lover before coming back with a harder blow. Once you've grown accustomed to the feel of these softer materials, then interweave these toys with harder whips like genuine leather, rubber, or canes (see flogging below) to create a complex experience.

Flogging

This form of punishment differs from whipping in its tools (or toys in GetLusty land). While whipping obviously uses various forms of whips, flogging focuses on stiffer stimuli. Think a dominatrix's boudoir: riding crops, canes, and leather floggers. Speaking of the dominatrix, the Chicago's own Mistress Simone dishes on her recommendations for flogging.

A note to you, couples, canes are not for feint of heart. Whatever material they are made of (bamboo, plastic, nylon) they will bite. They are associated with punishment for a reason. However, the riding crop is fantastic for beginners, as long as they keep the focus of the blows on that end leather flap. Merely holding a riding crop or cane can feel sexy to the lover in charge. That power and command over your lover is very much part of the experience as well as that submissive and seemingly powerless feeling of the punished.

Communication & more communication!

You must, must, must remember, readers, that healthy sex, whether your exploring your lover's anus to whipping their buttocks, to even just going down on them, requires a great deal of communication. Don't forget to read our sexual negotiation 101 article.

A great tool is the safety word, especially for these acts that involve some degree of pain. If the partner's not feeling it, or feeling it way too much, a simple utterance (or yell) of the safety word should put a stop to that discomfort. Explore your bodies, but explore them with common sense, respect, and lots of communication.

Bonus round:

All that you just learned about spanking, whipping, and flogging? Try it on another very sensitive part of the body: the breasts. Except, beginners, keep it much lighter. Think teasing rather than torturing as the nipples and tissue of the breasts are very sensitive. But, that is what makes this sexy.

Pic #1 from NowPublic. Pic #2 from ModelMayhem.

This is a guest post by GetLusty writer, Ellen Dukes. Though Ellen Dukes is not an ethical slut (a damn respectable title, she'll have you know), her curiosity, openness, and the indefatigable search engine Google is have lead her to a 21st century sex education.

A Chicagoan, you may see Ellen enjoying the delights of her deeply loving relationship with her boyfriend. Have a naughty story? She's heard naughtier, but tell her all the same at ellen@getlusty.com. She's a wannabe sexpert with years of porn viewing, listening to sex stories, and textbook browsing just waiting to put this knowledge to wonderful use.

Comments? Our comments feature is being fixed, oh my! We hope to enable comments within the week. In the interim, do comment on Twitter @getlusty, Facebook & Tumblr!

Must Try! 50 Shades-Inspired Fantasies

Think your fantasies are silly? Never! In this article, we offer several ideas for new, steamy fantasies with some Shades of Grey inspiration. Here at GetLusty, we can't get enough of it. Fifty Shades is all about Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. These are two people who happen upon each other and immediately find themselves in an intense love affair.

This book has certainly revved up the sex lives of women across America with it's hot fantasy-inducing text. Inspired by the Fifty Shades Trilogy, here are five fantasies that we would love to dive right into.

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Before starting, we highly recommend you both talk about these together. This is a team effort, so treat it as such! For example, read our negotiation 101 article and/or our 6 tips to consider before starting with BDSM.

Without adieu, lusty Shades of Grey fantasies...

1. Elevator sex

There are plenty of times in the book where Anna and Christian have some heavy sexual tension while they are in elevators. We think it would be very sexy to have a spontaneous elevator quickie. 

The possibility of getting caught makes this sex even more dangerous and naughty. Why not live on the edge and give into your desires. Push the emergency stop button and go for it! Just remember when you are finished and let the elevator run again, don't exit from the main floor.

2. The red room of pain

In the book Christian plays host to Anna in his "red room of pain." What is the Red Room? It's a room designed specifically for BDSM playtime. It's a windowless room that features a luxurious bed and every tool and toy imaginable. His toys include a St. Andrew's cross, floggers, vaginal beads (think Luna Beads) and more. Don't you want a space where you can let all your fantasies come true? We do!

3. Bondage with forced orgasm

One of our favorite scenes in the book is when Christian takes Anna to the red room of pain. He ties her to the St. Andrew's Cross and forces her to the brink of orgasm. We can't get enough of the idea of being restrained and teased to the brink of orgasm. Aren't you getting excited just thinking about it? We are!

4. Threesome

Sexy Mrs. Robinson is someone we all loved to hate. But, wouldn't it have been hot if Christian and Anna had a threesome with her? Threesomes are a common and steamy fantasy. Having an extra pair of hands and an extra mouth is definitely a plus in the bedroom.   

5. Sex with a city view

We all know Christian Grey is of multi-millionaire status. He has access to the most exclusive city hotspots.

High-rise hotels provide the perfect scenery for some mind-blowing sex with a view. You could even plan a staycation and make your sexy nightlife fantasies a reality! Making the most of marriage can take careful planning, but we highly recommend it!

Thanks to Source for picture #1 and Source for picture #2.

Sounds scandalous and delicious! Getting any ideas? Feel free to share your fantasies with us! In the mean time look out for part two of our 50 Shades of Grey inspired fantasies.

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com.