How-to: Erotic Humiliation 101

There are so many different kinds of BDSM. 50 Shades of Grey inspired us all to think about kink in a different light. So how about the practical sides of this. Why might you be interested in erotic humiliation and exactly what does this entail? Technogeisha has been thinking about kink and erotic humiliation for some time. She enjoys being humiliated, and explains why in this article. Technogeisha reports.

Again, please make sure you're communicating with your lover throughout this process. Please read our sexual negotiation article, as well as traits of a submissive and traits of a dominant.

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There’s been lots of talk about kink during Shades of Grey September. Recently, I was approached to write about a certain brand of kink that, up until recently, hadn’t been discussed much. It happens to be the kind of kink I enjoy and it’s called erotic humiliation.

OK, It's an uncomfortable topic

In the realm of BDSM, humiliation can be an uncomfortable topic. Everyone is used to spanking, flogging, even bondage. These subjects can sometime seem, dare I say, pedestrian.

Unfortunately, I don’t particularly enjoy pain play. Not on it’s own anyway. Even with an experienced dominant, I only come close to the edge, but not over it. What takes me to that place involves hands intertwined in my hair, my head pulled back, being forced to my knees, being told what I can and cannot do, having to ask or even beg for release and it all starts with the words “Are you my dirty whore?”

Separate sex from "real life"

It’s not just pain or forceful dominance. The power is also in the words, in the triggers. In the real world I don’t approve of the words “whore” or “slut” being used to shame. I also don’t like being told what to do.

Tell me not to do something, say something or wear something and I’ll immediately want to do it. In the realm of play, though, the things I can’t abide in real life become eroticized. These words strongly delivered are a turn on. I long to be told what to do. I want to give my Sir complete control of me and enjoy every “Please, Sir” and “Thank you, Sir” I utter.

I’m aroused by the fear of being punished for not completing a task or forgetting to ask permission. These triggers are strong and can even work when written. I’ve been reduced to a wet mess with just a text. It’s not about the smack on the ass or a cane across the thighs. It’s about the power exchange. It’s the ultimate mind fuck.

What is erotic humiliation? 

At its core, erotic humiliation is about using embarrassment, fear and shame. These aspects can run the spectrum from verbal to physical. It’s also important to note that humiliation and dominance are not exactly the same thing.

Humiliation doesn’t always involve being ordered about. Strict humiliation without dominance is when words and actions are used to belittle not to dominate. The dominant, in the absence of dominance, is sometimes called a Humiliatrix. Personally, I like humiliation along with dominance and good dose of bondage thrown in. It’s less about embarrassment for me than it is about giving up control.

The 2 kinds of erotic humiliation

Erotic humiliation itself can be broken down into varieties of verbal and physical forms.

#1 Verbal

Verbal humiliation can mean the use of words like slut or whore; being mocked, ridiculed or have appearance belittled; use of racial or ethnic slurs; asking permission to eat, to go to the bathroom or to have an orgasm; not allowing sub to leave the dungeon or house; treated like a pet or an object; being treated or scolded like a child; made to use honorifics such as Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am or Daddy. An example would be using demeaning language with the sub either in a forced feminization, a pet play or slave scene.


#2 Physical

Physical aspects of humiliation can be; being slapped or spanked; having movements restricted; orgasm denial or orgasm on demand; sexual denial by command or use of chastity device; enforced dress code (i.e.: forced cross dressing) or required to wear nothing; deprival of privacy such as being watched using the toilet; requiring to wear collar; performing acts of body worship; performing tasks or acts of service; public humiliation; being used as furniture; being ejaculated on or spit on; used as a human toilet; cuckolding; performing sexual acts without reciprocation. Examples can be the use of spanking to humiliate like a child, using someone as a chair or footrest, forced oral sex or asking the sub to do something embarrassing in public.

Negotiation, negotiation, negotiation

Humiliation, just like pain play, requires discussion and negotiation beforehand to state desired play, set limits and agreement on safe words. It is important to establish a clear safe word in play where words like “no”, “stop”, “ow” or “help” can be part of the scenario. You also need to decide whether it will be played out as just a scene or be part of everyday life. Communication is also very important when multiple partners are involved as in open relationships. Different partners could have different rules and boundaries. It helps to have a Top that you trust & feel comfortable with. Erotic humiliation is about discovering erotic triggers. Constant communication on both sides of the D/s relationship helps to know not only what works but also what doesn’t.

Don't forget about aftercare

It can be difficult to understand why someone would find the eroticization of humiliation such a turn on. It can look frighteningly like abuse from the outside. It’s important to know that both the dominant/ top and the sub/bottom are engaging in play that arouses the other.

Humiliation is not just about pleasuring yourself but your play partner as well. The sub tells the dominant what they would and would not like to do, and vice versa, so it is always consensual.

Even rape play that looks non-consensual was negotiated ahead of time with safe words and limits. Aftercare is just as important here as it is with pain play. Erotic humiliation is a mind game so there should be comfort and reassurance afterward. We'll talk more extensively about aftercare soon. For now, just make sure you again tell each other how much you care about each other and be extra-specialy-nice.

Let's not analyze

There is also a temptation to psychoanalyze the origin of these desires. I recently read an article by ABC News where psychologists tried to determine the origins of fetishes. They were convinced that certain events in childhood must kick off the fetish.

Humiliation is sometimes described as a kink and sometimes fetish. This may be because paraphilias can be incorporated into play. It’s a slippery slope trying to figure out how a kink or a fetish manifests itself. I’m not a big fan of this kind of analysis. I believe the reasons for what turns you on depends on many different personal factors. Not every foray into kink or fetish has to do with childhood trauma. It could just feel good and work for you or your partner.

Don't be afraid to negotiate & experiment gently

I feel like this was only the tip of the iceberg on this topic. I can only hope it opened a small window into a kind of kink that has a tendency to live in the shadow of it’s pain play cousin. If you’d like to include some of this into your play the best way to start is talking to your partner.

Do a little researching, a little soul-searching and start slowly if need be. There are books that cover the subject by authors such as Tristan Taormino and Midori plus lots of erotica for inspiration. You can even find classes on erotic humiliations at popular adult stores, fetish events and dungeons (which we'll talk about). Humiliation is different things to different people. It may take both conversation and experimentation to find what works for you.

Originally posted on Live on the Swingset.

Technogeisha loves to use her passion for writing and research to learn more about open relationships and sexuality. She looks forward to sharing her discoveries with all of you. She writes for Life on the Swing Set and contributes to Sexis Social at Eden Fantasys and other sites. Find her on Facebook as Miko Technogeisha and on Twitter as @Technogeisha.

My Favorite Things: Sex Slang for Giggles

Need to add some more slang words to you sex vocabulary? Forget the dictionary! Nadine Thornhill from Adorkable Undies is here with a post on some of her favorite sexy slang terms for our nether regions.

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Tonight I’m facilitating a session on sex positivity for some new volunteers at work. My favorite part of the lesson involves an activity called “penis vulva arm."  The group must come up with as many euphemisms/slang terms for each body part. It’s no holds-barred. Participants are encouraged to throw out any word no matter how cheesy, inappropriate or potentially offensive it might be.

We write all the words on large sheets of paper. Invariably, there are dozens of words for both penis and vulva, while the record for “arm” stands at four. The purpose of the exercise is to illustrate how many words we’ve created to describe the sexual parts of our bodies and how, to some extent, the breadth of language exists as a way to avoid speaking about sex directly.

While I agree that speaking in anatomically correct terms without blushing furiously is a good thing, I must confess that I do have fun with less formal sex-talk in certain contexts. Here, for your consideration, are some of my favorite sexy slang terms:

Vulva: Cunt. The Lion.

Clitoris: Clit

Vagina: Vag. Inside me/her.

Penis: Cock

Testicles: Balls. (I’m trying to break my habit of saying “balls!” to express disappointment, as I like balls/testicles quite a bit. “pants!” is the my new “balls!”)

Scrotum: Ball sack

Breasts: Boobs (in casual conversation). Tits (in sexy situations)

Butt: Ass. Booty.

Semen: Jizz

Vaginal lubrication: Va-Jizz

Penetrative Sex: Fuck(ing)

Spanking: Ass slap

Fellatio: Going down. Sucking cock.

Cunnilingus: Use/using your mouth (The term “eating out” just doesn’t make sense to me.)

Anal Sex: Ass fuck(ing)

Masturbation: Wanking. Taking Care Of Business.

When it comes to sex words, do you have some preferred slang terms or do you like to straight up tell it like it is? Comments are open so don’t be shy. Speak up!

This was originally posted at Adorkable Undies, Nadine Thornhill's lovely blog.

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy. She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants.

Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on Adorkable Undies. Find her on Facebook and Pinterest.

Ladies! Multiple Orgasms 101

It's no secret that GetLusty For Couples loves vulva's, the clitoris and the vagina. Gosh, we love all areas of our female bodies! So when we have the chance to publish an article on multiple orgasms. Well, we're tickled. Anne Brown, of the Enlightened Sexpot, is back with more orgasmic writing. What about? You guessed it, orgasms! In honor of Orgasm October which is just around the corner, she is here to discuss the mystery of multiple orgasms.

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Some canny readers may have noticed that I alluded to the totally awesome ability for vagina-owners to experience multiple orgasms in my last post on clitoral orgasms.

If you said, “Oh yes, multiple orgasms, please!” when I mentioned an orgasm in which “you don’t want to short-change the zings,” guess what Holmes? You win. Why? Because it only dawned on me a week later that the phrase “multiple orgasms” even applied in that situation.

The ability to have multiple orgasms was kind of on a pedestal in my brain. I thought that being “multi-orgasmic” was some special trick that only the real experts could master. The problem with this–and anything sexual on a pedestal (see the Cosmo article Multiple O’s: Why One Orgasm is Never Enough)– is that “multiple orgasms” then are only special because they can’t belong to just anyone.

Fuck the pedestal, guys. Multiple orgasms, virginity, whatever, the things are special if you have made your own personal choice to decide that they are special for you. I’ve said this already: every sexual experience that gives an individual pleasure is legitimate. If you’re not having multiple orgasms, you’re not “missing out”. That said, if you’re interested in how they work and/or how your favorite vagina(s) can feel more than one orgasm in a session, keep reading!

For penises

Before we begin: penis-owners, I haven’t forgotten you. I just need to get my hands on this book and do a little other research before I can write anything more in-depth about the penis’s ability to have multiple orgasms, which involve learning to orgasm without ejaculating (they are actually already separate things– in many male bodies it’s normal to feel the orgasm begin before ejaculation starts).

When penises ejaculate with orgasm, there follows what is called a, "refractory period" in which they become not interested in sex. This refractory period varies in time from person to person and will change with age, libido, stress, etc. Vaginas might ejaculate sometimes, but they don’t have refractory periods. Some clits feel painful when touched right after orgasm, but this isn’t an actual physiological refractory period–it’s just a clitoris that is really sensitive at the time.

Even that painful clitoris is capable of being stimulated to orgasm (if done very carefully with permission). Just like with one orgasm, all pussies are completely physically capable of having multiples, it’s just a matter of whether or not that particular pussy has discovered the best way to do it yet.

Debunking Cosmo

That Cosmo article I linked to earlier is only disguising itself as helpful, and I hope you didn’t read it before reading this.

First of all, the title puts pressure on the reader to want and work towards multiple orgasms, even if there is vague do-what-feels-good language inside the article.

Second, multiple orgasms are only talked about in the context of heterosexual penis-in-vagina intercourse, and it asserts that oral sex before intercourse and/or lots and lots of penis-thrusting are the “most common” ways that vaginas have multiple orgasms. Talk about being scared of maybe girls getting pleasure not from their “man”.

It sets itself up with a faux-cutesy “sorry, dudes– girls totally have you beat because we can have multiple orgasms” attitude that the author may have thought was empowering. I don’t feel good when I make other people feel not as adequate and/or give erroneous information so, Cosmo go away. The only good information in this piece was the definition of two different types of multiple orgasms that vagina-owners can experience: sequential and serial.

Sequential and serial orgasms 

Sequential multiple orgasms are orgasms that are only seconds apart– they are, in fact, what I was talking about when I said do not stop doing whatever you are doing because of the zings, etc. As a reminder and to qualify: these types of orgasms, which feel like one extended zig-zag of wantwant-orgasm!-wantwant-orgasm! to infinity and beyond, happen when the person in question is really super-aroused and there has been lots and lots and lots of foreplay (“of her choice”, thanks Wikipedia!).

This could potentially happen with lots of penis-thrusting for the high-estimate 30% of female bodies who come from vaginal intercourse alone, but for the vast majority, extra-thrustular stimulation will be involved. Dr. Ruth’s Encyclopedia of Sex (informative, not always as inclusive/ sex-positive as I would like) cites a couple of big-name studies in which average women experienced up to 50 sequential orgasms using vibrators. Tongues and fingers are also great, duh.

Serial multiple orgasms happen a few minutes apart, and vagina-owners get to demonstrate their ability to rapidly move through the human sexual response cycle of excitement-plateau-orgasm-resolution. While sequential orgasms bounce between plateau (wantwant) and orgasm (!), the experience of serial multiple orgasms allows a longer period to pass–one to several minutes– between each orgasm, and the entire cycle repeats itself. Re-excitement through a continuation of foreplay activities before the resolution phase totally sets in, leads to another plateau and then an orgasm. It might be a different-feeling orgasm than the last one, but that still “counts” as a multiple, just like having goal-oriented “I-want-an-orgasm-of-this-type” sex still “counts” as “not being fully appreciative of your/your partner’s body."

Qualities of those who have multiple orgasms

The 50-orgasm women in the studies cited by Dr. Ruth all had one thing in common: what seemed to be a “healthy, uninhibited sexuality”.

If I extrapolate correctly, this means that they didn’t feel shame about what they wanted or were experiencing, that they felt they were in a safe place where they didn’t need to have their guard up. If they were alone my guess would be that they stayed focused on themselves, had positive thoughts about their pleasure, and saw the experience as an exploration, not an achievement.

Additionally, if they were with a partner, this partner was probably someone that had made them to feel safe; feel cared about; someone who believed that their pleasure was important and not something “extra” or something to get out of the way. Truly “uninhibited” sex isn’t crazy sex where everyone does everything (necessarily), but instead sex in which a person and their partner feel connected to and totally accepting of themselves and the other. This kind of sex can and does happen with both strangers and married people: it’s all about the individual attitudes involved.

Did you know that anyone can have an orgasm? Like really, really anyone? Like even people with paralysis or who have experienced genital mutilation can learn to have orgasms through non-genital stimulation? I don’t want to say that “anyone” can have multiple orgasms because I don’t have enough information, but with the knowledge that anyone can experience orgasm it seems like it’s possible. Bodies and brains are awesome. I’m so glad I have my very own one of each.

References:

• Westheimer, Dr. Ruth (1994). ”Dr. Ruth’s encyclopedia of sex”. New York, Continuum.
• Ryan, Christopher and Jethá, Calcida (2010). ”Sex at dawn: How we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships”. New York, Harper Collins
• Go Ask Alice (Columbia advice column)
• Healthcentral.com Multiple Orgasms
• Human Sexual Response Cycle via Wikipedia
• Refractory Period (sex) via Wikipedia

Check out the original post The Enlightened Sexpot.


Anne blogs from her base in Boston as The Enlightened Sexpot and works at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, RI.

Originally from Seattle, she studied Spanish and Latin American literature/film/art at Dartmouth College while also obtaining a teaching certificate in Kindergarten- 8th grade.

In addition to her interest in any and all things sex-related, Anne is a huge NPR nerd, book nerd, and an enthusiastic spin class participant. You can follow her on twitter @shinysex and also check out her blog, the Enlightened Sexpot.

Tomorrow! Blowjob 101 at Early to Bed

Early to Bed is an awesome feminist sex toy store in Chicago. They recently celebrated their 10th anniversary! In addition to being an awesome, they also have workshops, oh my. This is one of it's most in-demand workshop yet; a class focused on blowjobs, male anatomy, and women's feelings about them.

After a brief lesson on pleasure points Early to Bed will move on to instructions for what makes a stellar handjob and then techniques to give a mind-blowing blowjob, all without gagging or getting a sore jaw!

You'll even learn how to put a condom on without using your hands! This is a fun class that takes sexual pleasure seriously. Come prepared with any questions you have about head, and leave a fellatio all-star. Great for any woman who wants to be more confident in her man-pleasuring skills.


Instructor: Rebecca Steinmetz has enthusiastically been a sex educator for Early to Bed since 2003. She has created and presented numerous workshops on everything from flirting to strap-on sex.

She has presented at venues including universities such as Columbia, University of Chicago and Northwestern, Lawrence College in New York, LGBTIQ organizations, activist collectives and non-profit agencies. She has an undergraduate degree in Gender Studies from DePaul University and an MSW from the University of Chicago. Her sex ed related work has been featured in The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Reader, TimeOut Chicago and Eight-Forty-Eight on Chicago Public Radio.

When: Thursday, September 27th

Where: Early to Bed 5232 N Sheridan Rd Chicago, IL


Time: 8PM

Ticket price: Register online $20 per person, $35 if you register yourself and a friend, and $15 for low income attendees and students. Reservations are required. Purchase tickets here.

This workshop is for women-identified folks only.

Check out Early to Bed on the map below.

Original Adult Fiction: Office Tango

Erotic stories are pretty hot, don't you think? Yeah, us, too! Do you want to add a little steam to your Tuesday? Our Crimson Love is here to introduce a series of erotic stories with a little introduction to her characters. Here's another original piece of titillating fiction for your reading pleasure.

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The day has dragged on and it’s now 1:30pm. Time for the weekly Thursday meeting. I go to grab my raspberry iced tea and a handful of fruity hard candy because it’s the only thing that will keep me awake and get me through this monotonous bullshit.

Upon entering the boardroom, a deliciously arousing scent wafts in my path. It’s masculine, with woody notes and a hint of musk, a heady and addictive combination that has forced me to find the owner of this scent. I casually walk around the room and pretend to look for a seat all while trying to find the mysterious origin of my new addiction. It isn't long before we must all be seated for the start of the meeting.

After everyone is seated, Mr. Millwall welcomes everyone, and I am on my way to Lala Land thinking about the things I have to do when I get home. I'm going through my mental grocery list when my thoughts are interrupted by an eruption of applause.

At the exact same moment, that oh so intoxicating scent I failed to find the origin of, wafts right past me. I can only see the back of the owner of such deliciousness as he proceeds to the front of the room. Mr. Millwall introduces him as James O'Sullivan, the new head of the advertising department, my department.

He is tall and well dressed. He's in a grey Armani suit, with sandy, blonde, well coiffed hair, a goatee and sky-blue eyes. As he thanks everyone for the warm welcome I notice his voice is deep and smooth, like rich silk. It reverberates in the deepest, darkest spot of my body. He's so confident, witty and charming; commanding the room's attention with such ease. I can’t believe this man is my new boss.

When James has finished his little introductory speech he returns to his seat and that intoxicating scent liquefies my insides into a puddle of lust. As he sits, he catches my eye and flashes me a smile. I feel the heat of a flush creep up my face from my neck. I quickly look away because I fear my body would ignite if I stare any longer. For the rest of the meeting, I steal glances of James in between fantasizing about the wonderfully wicked things we could do together. Would he do that thing I've been dreaming about? Would he tie me up like I've wished?

It is now 3:30 PM and the meeting is over. People hastily leave but I pretend to take notes on the meeting papers to give myself time to steal one last glance at James. When I look up he is gone and I can't help but to note the tiny pang of disappointment in my gut. I quickly gather my things and as I start to walk to exit the boardroom my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. It's a luscious feeling, and I shutter. I grab my phone to see who or what it is and it’s a text from my best friend, Nikkie. As I proceed to exit the room and read my message I am abruptly knocked off balance and everything I was holding spills to the floor. My papers, tea, and my phone, which is now in pieces, are scattered on the floor.

I mumble some obscenity and kneel down on the floor to pick up my scattered items. As I do I hear that familiar deep, silky voice. I look up and it’s James. He kneels down to help me pick up my things while profusely apologizing and introducing himself.

My heart starts to race and I can’t even look him in the eye. He offers his hand for a shake and as our hands touch I feel electricity move through my body like ripping waves and settle itself deep inside of me.

A slow flush creeps up my face once again and I hurry to gather everything including my ego off of the floor. I hear James talking to me but I can’t focus on the words because I am so distracted by his scent and allure. In a daze, I feel myself being interrupted once again and am propelled back to reality. I spring to my feet and quickly thank him for helping me. I turn to walk away but am stopped by the feeling of his hand lightly touching my arm. I turn back and he says “Wait I never got your name”. “My name is Raven Bloom.” He smiles at my brief introduction and I feel my face flush again.

“Raven, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I have heard quite a bit about you and your talents in this department.” He pauses and then says something I didn’t expect.

“Raven, would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow? It’s my treat since I nearly knocked you over. Not to mention, I would love to get a feel for the department and the direction everyone is headed in. Also, I would love to hear about your latest project as the lead creative. I have heard a lot of buzz about it."

I smile at him, muster up my most confident non-chalant, "Yes", and walk away. As I reach my desk, I feel panic wash over me. Shit how am I going to get through this lunch meeting tomorrow? What am I going to wear? Shit! I need to call Nikkie.

To be continued...

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at amber@getlusty.com.

5 Reasons to Use Non-Violent Communication

Our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg, was interviewing Lee Harrington. Lee told us he'd been thinking about this non-violent communication for a while, but couldn't find the time to write a post about it. Because, he said, NVC can really help communication in relationships. We said--you know what--that sounds fabulous! So here's the second in a two part series on using non-violent communication to improve your relationship. Thanks, Lee for the wonderful idea.

We have turned this into a two part series. Part one discussed the fundamentals of non-violent communication. This is part two: the pros of using non-violent communication in a relationship. Our Crimson Love reports.

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When it comes to a big fight or argument with the significant other, we have all been there. The not talking, the shutting down, yelling, door slamming, pointing fingers and the "I know I'm right," mentality.

It hardly settles in a resolution because no one wants to be wrong, everyone wants to be right and plays the victim. It's time to stop and try non-violent communication; NVC.

Why? Read on.

#1 Keep hostility to a minimum

In a fight the levels of hostility can escalate very quickly. Using NVC can keep the levels low and keep you two from escalating the fight before reaching a resolution.

#2 Helps you keep perspective

It's easy to loose perspective when you get angry at your lover. You just want to tell them off and loose your cool. However, using NVC can help you keep perspective and keep in mind what the goal of the conversation is. What you're arguing about is important. But what's most important is to be heard and hear your partner.

#3 Increases the likelihood of a resolution

Conflict is essential to keeping relationships healthy. It's natural that you and your partner don't agree. Can't resolve your fights or your problems? That could be bad. Because NVC helps you keep perspective, the likelihood that you and your lover can come to a resolution increases.

#4 Helps prevent shutdown

Just being outright angry and nagging at your lover can make them just shut down and be unresponsive. This can be very negative and move you father from each other. Using NVC can help you keep calm and keep you both on the path to resolution.

 #5 Makes for a more constructive setting when fighting or arguing

Instead of tearing each other down and getting nowhere because you have entered the couple version of a pissing contest, NVC can keep you focused and calm, and constructive.

Try non-violent communication and see how much it can improve your relationship and take the toxicity out of your fights.

With love from, GetLusty

This is a post from Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at amber@getlusty.com.

Original Erotic Fiction: "At the Barbecue"

Ever wanted to just ditch your friends and get with the cute guy you've been eyeing, right then and there? Then this story is for you, read on for some hot erotica from our very own, GetLusty's Sophie Sansregret!

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We meet again. I am starting to wonder now why you have me over so often. I see you never have a girlfriend by your side but you’ve never made your move. I watch you across the picnic table. We’re sitting on the back deck, the perfect place to be on this warm spring night. I catch your eye for just a second longer than is polite. I know that look. I smile back to give you the signal that I’m interested. I’m not sure that’s exactly what you mean but I’ll take that chance. I haven’t been fucked in ages and even then, it was entirely unmemorable.

“I’ll just take these plates into the kitchen,” I say quietly. I pick a few things up, bending to collect your plate and treat you to a view of my cleavage through the neckline of my startling red sun dress. I can see you take a quick look. Good. I can feel my nipples harden as you look at me. My panties grow wet as I think of you sucking hard on them as you fuck me. I head inside quickly, drop the dishes in the sink and before I have a chance to turn around you’re already there behind me. We can see the rest of the guests from the window over the sink.

I feel my breath catch in my throat as you approach me from behind and grab me, pulling my back into you. I can feel your lust pushing against my back. You bury your face in my long hair, tickling my neck with soft kisses. Your hands wander from my waist down to my thighs then slide under the light cotton of my sundress. Both hands slide over my hips and rest on my panties. You pull me closer then begin to rub me through the thin white cotton. My clit throbs with pleasure. I want you. I grind my back into your erection. Your hands move up my body reaching for my breasts. I moan.

“Harder,” I whisper.

And you oblige. I almost come but want to save it.

“Where can we go?” I whisper.
“Here,” you reply as you spin me then in a flash, whip my panties off and lift me onto the counter next to the sink.

You lift my skirt over my thighs and pull me to the edge of the counter. You drop to your knees and begin licking my pussy. Your tongue on my clit is like a lightning bolt. Shockwaves of pleasure shoot through me and I know I want more. You suck on my lips and force me to climax despite myself.

“Just to take the edge off,” you say, voice muffled by my skirt. “I want more from you.”

“Fuck me,” I say. “I’ve wanted to fuck you for months.”

You stand back, revealing your cock straining against the fly of your shorts. I unzip you as you unbutton your shirt. I lower your shorts, then your boxers and your cock is ready for me. I take it in my hand and rub the head on my wet pussy. I rub my clit against your cock as hard as I can but you move your cock from my hand and start pressing into me. I am wet for you but am so tight that you have to push a bit to get in. It’s been a while.

The head of your cock is in me and we both wait a moment, savouring the blissful feeling of that first penetration. You inch your cock in and out of me, slowly allowing me to adjust to your size.

Finally your cock is in me and we pause again just for a moment to enjoy this. You peek out the window quickly to make sure that yes, the guests are still all outside. Then you grab my bottom with strong hands and ram me hard. I love it. I haven’t been fucked in so long and I’m just dying for some passion and a good solid fuck.

As you drive deeper into me, we hear a crash of dishes on the kitchen floor not two feet from us. Caught!

--To be continued.

Sophie writes romance, comedy, and erotica for the self-loathing, and currently works as the Book section and Blog Editor for Evolvedworld.com.

Sophie has an MA in Creative Writing from Concordia University in Montreal; and just had two novellas published (why yes, you can buy them here!) and is working on a third novel (historical romance) to be issued Winter, 2012.  She likes cats, chocolate, and sleeping in. Find out more at sophiesansregret.com.

Say What? 25 Nicknames for the Vagina (NSFW)

There's no denying it, here at GetLusty we love vaginas and vulvas and we aren't afraid to admit it! From the men and women in our lives, we've heard every nickname in the book. What science calls the vagina or vulva, we have compiled a list of affectionate (and maybe not-so) for vaginas that would put Merriam-Webster to shame. Everything from sweet to hysterical to down right naughty. Our Crimson Love tells us about all the nicknames for our most lovingly admired part of our bodies--our vaginas.

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What better way to end the week and start the weekend than with some comedy. Here is a list of the top nick names for your vagina.

#1 Pussy 

#2 Twat 

#3 Vajayjay 

#4 Pink Taco 

#5 Pink Clam

#6 Honey Pot

#7 Hooha

#8 The Cookie

#9 Pie 

#10 Snatch

#11 Sascrotch

#12 The Cave 

#13 Cooch/coochie 

#14 Cooter

#15 Flower 

#16 Bush

#17 Hot Box 

#18 Nookie 

#19. Tang/ Putang

#20 Poonani  

#21 Betty 

#22 Victoria's Secret 

#23 The Pink

#24 Pastrami Sandwich 

#25 Chamber of Secrets 

We hope this gave you a few laughs! After all they are good for the soul. Thanks again to the Beauty of Vagina's Tumblr blog for pictures.

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at amber@getlusty.com. 

   

Using Non-Violent Communication to Improve Your Relationship

Our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg, was interviewing Lee Harrington. Lee told us he'd been thinking about this non-violent communication for a while, but couldn't find the time to write a post about it. Because, he said, NVC can really help communication in relationships. We said--you know what--that sounds fabulous! So here's the first in a two part series on using non-violent communication to improve your relationship.

After our article it may seem like a no-brainer to you, too. You'd probably be surprised that most of us don't actually use it and this kind of communication can really do wonders. This is part one of our two part series. Our goal in this article: define what is NVC? Our Crimson Love reports.

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Non-violent communication is communicating in a way that puts essential human needs, and compassion first. Here are the four main fundamentals to remember.

#1 Differentiate observation and evaluation

You might wonder, why is this important? When in a heated situation it is important to observe, to see what is really going on, to see what people are feeling, thinking, and witness how they react, all without judgement. Judging can cause you to misread what it going on.

#2 Understand feeling versus thinking

In the heat of an argument it's so important to take mental stock of how you feel. Be quiet and listen to yourself! How you feel and what you think are often two different things and your thoughts are often created by feelings. You can feel abandoned and think very angry thoughts and jump to conclusions. Take the time to connect with what you feel.


#3 Connect with basic human needs

You're in the middle of a fight. All you can think of is how mad you are. How much you need to get your point across first because that's what's important, right? Wrong! What's important is that both of you feel understood and accepted in spite of the current mini-war happening between you and your lover.

4. Request what you want and need instead of what you don't want or need

Ladies, let's be real. Sometimes we have a habit of telling people everything we don't want or don't need when in deed all we need to do is just say what we want and need. And it's not just a woman thing. Sometimes, it's just a people thing, especially if you are more passive aggressive. To make it easier, just be straight forward.

The next time you have a war at home just remember these four things and see how much easier and smoother things go. Information thanks to http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations.

With love from, GetLusty


Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with amber@getlusty.com.

How to Tell Your Lady You Want a Blowjob

OK, gentlemen. Last week we on how women can tell their partners they want oral sex. After the article was published we received comments from men asking what about them! How do they tell their woman they want head without being too pushy? Well, gentlemen here is your article! How to tell your woman you want head! Our Crimson Love reports.

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When it comes to oral sex sometimes there is just no good way to ask for it, You don't want to be too pushy or too overbearing. Here are some tips to asking your lucky lady!

#1 Provide incentive 

Make sure to stress the point that if your lady gives you head  you will be able to please her better. In a relationship selfish lovers never get very far. So, make sure that you both know that each other's pleasure is equally important.

#2 Be sweet about it

Sometimes women can be silly creatures and sometimes outside influences can have an affect on how we perform in bed and what we do.

Cook her dinner, take out the garbage, and get her in a more relaxed mood. When you take away some of the irritants and distractions of the day she can better focus on the nocturnal festivities.

#3 Ask her what she wants

Ask her what would make giving you head more enjoyable. From her answers you can get creative and make it fun or more interesting for her and she will be more willing to do it. If she says she would like your cock dipped in chocolate. Dip it! 

#4 Stroke her ego

When asking her for a blow job let her know you really enjoy her skills and the way she does things. Also, when she is getting busy let her know you like what's going on by moaning and being verbal.

We hope you get head, gents. If not, or if you have other sexual questions, please e-mail us directly. Get in touch with rachael@getlusty.com and we'll send your question to a professional who cares. You're not alone in sexual problems. We all have them, so share and we can help!

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at amber@getlusty.com.

6 Tips for Getting Started with BDSM

When you're full of turkey, you're probably thinking no sex is possible right now. No, no. This is the perfect time for a little kink. Your stomach is full, you're just about to fall asleep. And then crack. Their hand hits your rear end and you perk up quicker than a V8 engine. Just because 50 Shades of Grey September came to a close doesn't mean you haven't stopped thinking about BDSM. Haven't experimented yet? The well acclaimed submissive & BDSM sex nerd Lilly Rose is here to talk about getting started with BDSM. Make sure to read the sexual negotiation article, as well as the dominant and submissive traits articles, too!

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Without ado, Lilly Rose delves into getting started with BDSM for newbies. Not sure how to start off? Try these things first!

#1 Be honest

Know what you want and know what your play partner's beliefs are. Have honest and open discussions. In BDSM it is absolutely necessary, for safety reasons, to be upfront about everything.

#2 Embrace your fetishes

Do you like to be teased with a feather? Do you like the idea of being tied up? Do you like the thought of being punished with a spanking? Those are your fetishes, now embrace them! Now for you doms out there: if you like doing the spanking and teasing, then get yourself a sub and go to town!

#3 Negotiate 

Negotiation is crucial to having some safe BDSM playtime. Sit down with your dom or sub and discuss your limits, your safe word, safe action and aftercare. Make a list and if needed, negotiate changes later. Remember, be honest and open about everything.

#4 Know your limits and create a safe word

Hard limits - Things that must not be done. If a dom tries to push you into something you are not comfortable with, set him straight or move on.

Soft limits - Things you are not quite sure about doing in that moment but could agree to later.

Safe word - The word you utter when you absolutely want the play to end. “No” doesn’t cut it. So another word is absolutely necessary to let your dom know when to stop.

Safe action - The action used when your safe word is unavailable and want to stop play. You need a safe action for times you can't use your safe word, i.e. gagging.

#5 Aftercare 

Let’s talk about aftercare. Aftercare is crucial! Aftercare is your dom or play partner checking in on you and making sure you are alright after a scene. This may range from putting ointment on your butt after a paddling to cuddling. It is really important that he or she asks if anything upset you, especially if something made you feel unexpectedly uncomfortable during a scene. This may happen with even the best planning and the best dom. That is why aftercare must always be done!

Feeling good is the ultimate goal of any kind of BDSM play! But as in all sub/dom relationships, trust has to be built up before any kind of intense play. This takes time. You are not going to be jumping into that dungeon right away and being beaten with a belt. That would be foolish for a beginner. Never rush into a relationship with a dom in the BDSM world.

#6 Be safe

Most of all, and I can’t stress this enough, if you want to try BDSM you have to be safe. You should always use a condom and do your research beforehand. BDSM is about testing your limits and going beyond the edge. The more you know about your fetish, the safer you will be going into actualizing it.

Lilly Rose was a kink blogger, geeky Ivy League graduate activist and lover of great doms. Lilly recently completed @letitlingeron and just recently ended her blog into the journey of the world of kink. Lily also writes for Mindchaotica and Evolvedworld, and her Erotica (fiction and non-fiction) can be found at Literotica.

10 Activities that Seriously Turn Him On

This is another guest post by the awesome Jean-Luc Gothos. Here, he talks about some of things that turn him on that we ladies could learn from.

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So I’ll admit this up front. I’m a bit of a sadist. I love to tease my lovers until I have them begging me for some kind of release. I enjoy the long tease one that will have them going for days on end. I’m really fond of edge play and orgasm denial.

This works every time and gives my lovers so much enjoyment. Now, I’ll be upfront and say that I have only recently started to explore my attraction to men. It’s be really fun just accepting this part of myself and really allowing myself to enjoy everything this has to offer.

So not all men are created equal, at least not when it comes to the bedroom. Men are very visual. However, men can be very good at creating a visual for themselves. Here are 10 ways to make your man beg for sweet, sweet release.
 

10. A sexy shower together

There is nothing sexier than taking a shower with my lover. I really enjoy using that time to tease him and give him something to think about during the day. I enjoy getting him hard and then just stopping for a while and then doing it again. 

Only the second time, I let him know that He will have to wait until after work to finish. It might seem cruel but it really isn’t because it will have him thinking about you all day long.

9. Oral sex

Wake up Oral Sex, nothing is quite like it. You’re sound asleep and then you’re awakened to a warm mouth on your cock. It’s a wonderful way to wake up and it sets the tone for the rest of the day. This would have me thinking about my lover all day.

8. Sexts

After that morning blow job, sending him text messages all day talking about what you want to do to his cock, his mouth, his nipples, and his ass. Believe me this will have him ready to go the second he walks in the door after a day at the office.

7. Nipple play

Men are just as sensitive around the nipples as women are when they are turned on. some light sucking, licking, and clothespins...oh how did that get there...I’m a kinky geek...it all turns that way at some point.

6. Ass play

Ass play can be a fun way to take advantage of your lover and let him know that you care about his pleasure as much as your own. Now this is assuming that you’ve been with your partner long enough to know most of his likes and dislikes.

5. Prostate play

Prostate play is a perfect way to enhance your guy’s pleasure and to have him experience an intense orgasm. Curious about prostate play? Check out our Prostate Milking 101 article. We also have a mini-guide to anal for couples.

4. Did I mention sexts?

During his work day when he isn’t expecting it send him a picture or text that teases his senses. Nothing to explicit just enough the make him skip over a few words and make him have to adjust how he is sitting during that 2 hour board meeting about TPS Reports.

3. Do something special

Do something special for him when he gets home after a hard day at work. Role play is the perfect way to make the day at the office disappear. Be waiting at the door in a schoolgirl uniform or a french maid outfit. He’ll forget all about what happened to that red stapler someone was complaining about all day.

2. Edge play

This one is for the more advance players. Nothing quite says I love you like a day of edge play. This is one that is best done on the weekend. Edge play is all about orgasm control and really pushing yourself to the limits of endurance. With edge play you bring yourself close to orgasm as you can without having an orgasm. You do this for an hour, a day, and for the really adventurous a whole week. I typically start my partners off with once an hour and work up from there. This is an exciting way to really intensify your pleasure and that of your partner.

1. Challenge your man intellectually

And just because I think everyone needs a gentle reminder, the brain is a wonderful sex organ. I personally enjoy being challenged intellectually. So create a game, get an answer right and something comes off, get an answer wrong and something stays on, it’s like, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire "but with stripping and hot sex at the end. Really, everyone is a winner here.

This isn’t your average top 10 list and there is a good reason for that, as a Polyamorous Pansexual Kinky Geek, I view sex and sexuality differently. I think that gender roles are changing rapidly and how we view our relationship with sex and relationships is change just as quickly. So take your time and use your imagination and remember at the end of the day to Get Lusty, and you’ll get lucky!

Thanks Flickr for the pic #1. Pic #2 from Loving You. Pic #3 from Communication Studies.

Jean-Luc Gothos is our resident pansexual geek. He's founder on Mindchaotica. He is also very active on Twitter, Facebook, G+, and Tumblr. I’m also a writer for Life On The Swingset, Kink~E Magazine, and he also reviews sex toys on EdenFantasys and writes for their sex positive online publication SexIs Social.

Please feel free to leave a comment below.

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On Sexual Positions: An Erotic Story

We inspired an amazing post on ErogenoUS this past weekend. Read on for lusty insights into the concept of sexual positions. It's the first erotic story inspired by GetLusty, and of course, we wanted to share it with you!

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I didn’t even attempt trying to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. I’ve done that for the past two nights, but without fail, that big ripening moon in the sky did her best to keep me awake.

Blue moon, I had my friend in Italy ask you to be quieter for me tonight so I would sleep. Alas, you are a harsh mistress. Not a cell in my body asks for sleep as you peak at me through the curtains in my bedroom.

My friends over at GetLusty tweeted last night (yep, it’s a verb now, get used to it) asking what our favorite sexual positions were, and you know, other than names for the standard fare like Missionary and 69, I was really at a loss. I mean, I’m not sure some of my favorite positions even have names. I guess you could say I’m “creatively gymnastic”.

When I’m having really mind-blowing, heart-pumping, sweat-drenched, sheets are coming off the bed, “the house could fall down around me and I’d never even know” sex, I never really paused long enough to give much thought to what the things we were doing together were called.

All of our kinetic movements and gestures for positions are just that; gestures fed on the electric inertia of lustful bodies. There is no thinking at this point, if you’re lucky. There is no pause, no awareness of cognitive process.

 I’m plugged in. I’m an intrinsic charge in a circuit that hums and pulses with every leg thrown up and over your shoulder, every hand tightly clasped around your back dimpling into your flesh, or every hip driven back against you as you thrust into me from behind, using the length of my hair in your hands like reins.

What do I call that? How do I name that? How do I even do that justice with a few simple words?

Have you ever tried to describe a sexual position in one tweet? Let me just say, it’s not easy. It’s really challenging to be descriptive of such things with only 140 characters as your limit. Here is what it looked like when I sent it.

“@getlusty Modified coital alignment is right up there w/ man seated, w straddles cock, knees bent, feet flat on bed, leans back on her hands”

It just is slightly devoid of intensity and passion, which is so unlike what it actually feels like to experience. Then I’m supposed to find an even more abbreviated way to say that? However, if I were to tell you that one of my favorite positions is found in a moment, in an impulse.

I roll you over onto your back to straddle you, your cock throbs eagerly to be back inside me again as I hover above you holding you in anticipation. You can feel the heat of my pussy radiating down against your flesh, and your hands feverishly grab at my hips to pull me down onto you. I love the low growl that escapes your lips as you fill me, and the quake that follows through my body like the tremors in the strings of a well strum harp.

My gaze has never left the snare of yours. We are often like this, which is why I hunger to be in the wake of its hazel grasp. Slowly you raise yourself up, your weight now balanced on your hands pressed firmly into the sheets beneath us. I am like a fawn in the headlights of your desire. Encircling the amber skin of your back, hands sliding up along the curve of your spine, I draw your broad chest to meet the rise of my porcelain flesh.

I love the feeling of your chest hair grazing my pert rose nipples, and the heat that pours out of your skin as I press myself against you, and you fold your arms around my waist. Your voracious mouth finds mine with greedy impatience, and I can taste our sweat on your lips as I draw my tongue to yours. I long to know its intimate terrain, and each slow caress of my tongue paints my desire inside you, where only you can speak it.

I know because I sing the trail of yours left with tongue, teeth, and nail across my sinuous landscape. My right hand’s fingers have found their way up to be nested in the grasp of your short brown hair, and I brace myself against you, holding tightly to the swell of your shoulders with my left. On days when you would be in your head, you would interject that it has touches of gray, but that is of no concern to me. I’ll know you when only gray remains, even if we are no longer lovers such as this by then.

Our bodies ride together; a slow steady ebb and flow like a tide to shore, but we both feel the pull of our rampant need growing. I loosen myself from our embrace to lean back on the weight of my arms now, my hands planted firmly against the mattress cushioning us, and stretch my legs out, knee bent, behind you. Your tumescent cock drives itself deeper inside me, as I shift the weight of my hips forward against you.

You recline back onto your hands now, the cool sheet slipping against your fingertips as you find your steady against them. I watch your arms tremble as you climb higher to your edge with each fevered thrust of my pussy upon you. Our breaths come in quick gasps now, and with each grind of my hips against you I can feel the feverish spill of my juices devouring your manhood. I know how much it drives you wild with abandon to watch your cock glisten and drip with me, as you watch it part my lips, to slide, push, and plunge inside me, even when I am the one controlling our pace.

You…always know…just…how…to…push me…to the…edge where…I…am……bursting! I arch my back and throw my head back in shame at how you bring me there with such ease, as I come quaking upon you while watching the same insatiable peak crest and course through your taught frame. As our breaths slowly find themselves again, our sweat-covered bodies collapse into the bed underneath. I still have you inside me, and savor the feel of you until you begin to soften. Eventually I roll off of you, and turning myself, entangle my body in your awaiting arms to drift together into slumber.

Yeah, I guess we could call that position “The X Marks the Spot” to fit it into a tweet, but still, for me, it will always be so much more. After all, what’s in a name?

It’s almost 6am here. The moon is making her descent back into the trees. Maybe she’ll let me sleep now.

Thanks ZDNet for pic #1. Thanks ThisIsYourConscience for pic #2.

At the erogenoUS blog, you'll find the stories of one unnamed woman, navigating her erotic life without a helmet or safety harness.

Find her on Twitter and Facebook.